It’s Spring 2018. Finally, all of your free time spent buying Kim Kardashian lip products and looking into the Justin and Selena relationship dynamics has paid off. This knowledge can now be leveraged to a greater, more powerful field, otherwise known as Penn State Sorority Recruitment. This moment has been anticipated since the first time all freshmen stepped on the frat grounds that engulf the entirety of this campus. Since every Starbucks-loving gal wants to make a memorable impression, The Black Sheep is here to guide you with a sneak peek of what each round of recruitment will entail:
Orientation Night: Day 1
Time to sit back and listen to every concern you already know the answer to (because how else were you going to spend your time last semester other than strip down Greek life from head to toe via Google search while “studying” in the Pattee Library). You’ll hear everything from Greek Life’s origin of purpose to how it gracefully separates the community into popularity segments, as if no one experienced that in high school. Make sure you bring your pink shimmery pen for high enthusiasm and top-notch note taking. AND you get a free t-shirt.
Open House: Days 2-3
Already put into your Pi Chi group, a group of all potential new fish bait, it’s time for Open House. In other words, it’s time for two days in a row of speed dating. In South Halls you’ll be meeting 19 sororities all within a couple hours of each other. Be aware that you’ll most likely feel like you’re being personality victimized by Regina George at least three times. To avoid that you could stand out and thus be liked by telling the sorority you are thinking about going downtown to get a tattoo of one of their faces.
First Rounds: Days 4-5
Thrown in your hands is a list of sororities that saw the slightest potential within you. It’s time for you to go around and have a wee bit more time talking about deep important topics of our world, like The Penn State Rathskeller closing and “Omg how cute is that shirt, did you get that at downtown Metro?” You’ll visit a maximum of 14 sororities in these two days of First Rounds. There’s “First” in the title for a reason: if you feel you butchered your impression at open house, you get another go for a wild first impression.
Second Rounds: Days 6-8
At this point of recruitment, you’ll be talking more than the Willard Preacher speaks in the duration of a month. If you have anything of a voice left, it’s time to girl flirt till the cows come home. Time to engage with a maximum of eight sororities within three days. You will get the chance to watch short documentaries the chapter made of their sisterhood, so bring your own popcorn, BYOP. Hopefully, at this point in the process, you know which sorority you like enough for your stomach not to be knotting the whole time you make small talk. Well, unless you’re one of those girls that find twisted gratification from the feeling of throwing up in your mouth… aka the feeling of forcefully pretending like someone you aren’t. I guess fake it till you make it, girlfriend.
Preference Night: Day 9
By now there’s at least one sorority that likes you and that you like in return. When visiting two or three sororities, make sure to wear your finest cocktail dress. The dress you spilled red wine on during your brother’s wedding on Old Main Lawn last year probably would work the best, because then, you can actually show your potential sisters that you know what alcohol is. The sororities will transform their suites into beautifully decorated rooms and typically pass out macaroons, so make sure your dress has pockets so you can snatch some extra for the road.
Bid Day: Day 10
The one and only day, Bid Day, finally arrived. Bigger than your future Graduation day, bigger than the Super Bowl, bigger than the Grammys. You will receive a sealed envelope. Lying within is the fate of the rest of your life. Well, the next four years, which is practically the rest of your life because what is life after college? Whenever the envelopes are opened, be prepared to hear the loudest noise a human can be exposed to: the female excitement scream.
Congrats! You made it through Formal Recruitment and can meet all of your new sisters! You may now commence the Pokey Stix celebration.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: