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7 Desperate Ways To Boost Your Grades Before Penn State Finals

Are you desperate for some advice on how to get your grade up before finals week approaches? The Black Sheep is here to share with you some tactics that guarantee success. If you answered that question with a “no,” then you have a whole other problem in itself: You aren’t doing college right, and are in dire need of some one-on-one alone time with a bottle of Jack.

7.) Sit on the Floor in Sparks Building:
Are you realizing that sitting in the back of the room of Sparks this entire semester has only given you the incentive to take naps in the cushioned chairs? Polish up for your last class to boost that grade of yours. Show your professor that you are interested after all by sitting on the floor one foot away from their desk with a pen and paper ready to take notes. You won’t miss a word, even your professor’s remark, “Are you even in this class?”

6.) Nittany Lion Ate Your Homework:
There’s that one stereotypical excuse students use on their professors for attempts of a higher grade. If your professor is dumb enough to make the life decision to live in the middle of boring Pennsylvania for their entire life, they’ll be dumb enough to believe this one.

5.) Figure out Your Professor’s Canvas Login:
Once in the fifth grade, you figured out your younger sister’s Club Penguin login password. You just mashed together something she loved with her favorite number, then the next thing you knew you were taking other penguins back to your premium igloo. Just use the same strategy with your Chemistry 110 professor in Thomas Building! You’ll be manually changing your 75% grades to 95%. Before you start investigating yourself: try ImABossAssBitch69

4.) Set up your Professor and your Father on a Blind Date at Champs:
There’s something about guy on guy bonding that has a roadway of no turning back. Parent Trap them into the upstairs of Champs. Before you know it, they will be talking about Penn State, sports, politics, how much money they make per year and how they would bang each other’s wives. The rest is history. He’ll probably ask your family to go to the Monday night Eagles football game, telling you “don’t worry about our final in Pollock Testing Center,” which is the same night.

3.) Eat a Banana during Class in Forum:
Mix up your regular snack of Wheat Thins and an apple with a banana or two. Make sure to put on your pretty face, sit front and center in Forum, EYE CONTACT, and savor your banana with every bite. You’ll have a good chance of getting some extra credit with this one.

2.) Wear a Shirt with Your Professor’s Face on it:
Wear to the last day of class if you want him to know who his number one fan is. Stalk his Facebook to find a picture of him from a Christmas party Downtown a couple years ago. Perhaps even eat a banana while wearing the shirt with his face on it if you’re really desperate for a grade jump.

1.) Poison the McLanahan’s Apple:
You bought an apple at the only grocery store anyone at Penn State knows, McLanahan’s, to place on their desk. What a classic student-pet gesture. Little does anyone know, you’re taking a different route completely. Don’t want your final exam to ruin your current grade in the class? Risk it for the biscuit! Poison apple = final exam cancellation.

Congratulations! If you pulled one of these seven moves, you have finally gotten your first A in a class. Now you can add to your resume: Professional Grade Booster.

Know anyone at one of these schools?

Penn State — $100 bounty! (hey, that’s you!)
UNC-Wilmington –$100 BOUNTY
University of Arizona — $300 BOUNTY!
Texas A&M Corpus Christi — $100 bounty!
Auburn — $100 bounty!
Indiana — $100 bounty!
SUNY Oswego — $100 bounty!

Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $$$$ if they’re hired! 

DM our twitter and we’ll take it from there!

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