Connect with us
Connect with us

Penn State

Breaking! The Willard Preacher Moves Downtown

Traditionally spouting Christian wisdom before the steps of the Willard Building, the Willard Preacher is extending his services to College and Beaver Avenues on the weekends.


 “The good Lord doesn’t work Monday through Friday nine-to-five, and neither should I,” the Preacher explained.


After experiencing the new-and-improved Preacher this past weekend, the student body had a mixed response.

“I’ll never be hungover again if this keeps up,” Alex Thomas said while amazingly awake and pleasant early Saturday morning, “I was refilling my cup in Beaver Apartments when I heard the Willard Preacher outside saying something about how the college student’s cup of sin runneth over. I couldn’t drink after that. Shit’s deep, man.”


Others were less enthused by the new weekend ritual, especially during the early morning.


“The Walk of Shame is becoming too intense for me,” explained Carly Jameson, still wearing last night’s thot outfit. “He was standing on College at 6 a.m. Sunday handing out longer skirts to all the girls that walked by.”


The Willard Preacher was enthusiastic as he commented on his future plans, “I’ll be the guard of the Tavern Pig to dissuade drunken urination. I might ride the Blue Loop on the weekends. I’ll be in Beaver Canyon at the sign of the next riot. When the fraternities return, I’ll be on Frat Row.”


“The point is,” he says, “you just don’t get to heaven by doing keg stands.”

Continue Reading

More from Penn State

To Top