Connect with us
Connect with us

Penn State

Do’s and Don’ts of the Penn State Class of 2017 Facebook Group

Oh, the allure of an online public platform made up of your peers. But how does one navigate such daunting behind-the-screen freedom? Thankfully, The Black Sheep is here to help.

 

DO:

When someone steals your North Face at P-man because you left it on the back of a chair while doing coke in the bathroom, definitely post in the Penn State Facebook group of your class to verbally assault the mysterious, opportunistic a-hole who took your overly expensive outerwear. Eleven times out of ten, they’ll feel so guilty they’ll return it, even though you called them the “literal scum of the compost bins they made us use in the dorms.”

 

DON’T:

Don’t post asking for someone to return the credit card, Penn State ID, or driver’s license that you lost. Finders, keepers! Duh. Be a bro and let the lucky winner of your birthday cash from grandma use it to buy a round of trashcans at Phyrst for the people he or she is trying to impress who aren’t actually that person’s friend. It’s like literally paying it forward.

 

DO:

When someone posts that “literally all of their friends” are rooming with other people and they have nowhere to live next semester, invite them to live with you. No, you’ve never met them, but there’s definitely no other reason aside from coincidence that nobody who actually knows them chose them as a roommate. Plus, uncertainty is fun! Especially in a living situation.

 

DON’T:

Don’t fill out a lengthy paragraph bragging about your BALLER job on Wall Street just to follow it up with a plea for a roommate. Haven’t you heard they now have a Tinder option that’s exclusively for making friends? It’s hard to imagine many ways that could go wrong. Plus, since you’re the next Jordan Belfort, why do you even need a roommate? Roommates are for poor people.

 

DO:

When you’re socially awkward and can’t find yourself a formal date, absolutely ask your least self-conscious friend to post in the Facebook group. Clearly, said friend will talk up your winning smile and definitely not mention your penchant for getting inappropriately wasted in less than an hour (hence, the reason nobody who knew you wanted to go with you in the first place). Ah, finding love in the digital age.

 

DON’T:

Don’t share Google form surveys asking the rest of us to do your dirty work by filling out twenty open-ended questions on our opinions regarding condom usage. Keep the integrity of your research and ask randos in the Hub to answer these questions on paper, as you pretend not to watch. Or just ask all the people you’ve slept with, as you’ve already broken the ice there.

 

DO:

When someone you know well enough to publicly ridicule posts in the group about something important to him, you’re slippin’ if you don’t reply with an embarrassing comment about that time he tripped up the steps in Willard for the other 10,000+ members of this group to read and not care about at all. It’s so funny though! And nobody else is edgy enough to do it! Such bravery. We’re all impressed and wondering why you’re not famous for your stand-up by now.

 

DON’T:

Don’t post fuzzy pictures of the furniture you’re trying to get rid of before moving out. Do you think the rest of us are willing to miss out on the chance to go to IKEA and eat Swedish meatballs after buying a twin-sized bed in the shape of a rocket ship? Plus, think of all the drunk wanderers you could help by simply leaving your piss-stained couch on the sidewalk, instead. You don’t need to be in Greek life to be a philanthropist!

 

Continue Reading

More from Penn State

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top