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How to Explain Post-PSU-Comm Grad Unemployment

So, you graduated Penn State College of Comm and you don’t have a job. Will you be a failure in life? Maybe. But, as far as your family and friends (and the families of your friends) are concerned, it’s way too soon for anyone to condemn you as the promising, eloquent student turned post-grad dud.

Still, how will you navigate all those grad parties and the upcoming summer holidays without revealing that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing with your life, despite your hard-earned degree in telecomm?

One way to circumvent this prying discussion is by vowing to attend some type of graduate school, even if it’s at Ohio State—maybe then you’d finally be able to answer the Q, “What’s a Buckeye?” Say you’re studying for the GRE or something, and that you can only take the entrance exam once or else it looks, like, so bad, thus, you really have to dedicate all your time to the books.

Then, you’ll also have to scout out a new school, because PSU is built for undergrads, and you’re done with Happy Valley’s immaturity, now that you’re an adult alum. Do they expect you to continue living in a town where the sidewalks are regularly splattered with puke and it’s reasonable to assume every outdoor surface has served as someone’s porta-potty?

On the other hand, everyone who knows you is well aware that you’re not the scholastic type, you have a comm degree for Christ’s sake. Say you’re looking into the Peace Corps or other volunteer work. Now your obligatory minor in a foreign language will finally pay off! And nobody can criticize a bleeding heart—but if they do, make sure to call them out for the fascists they are. You were totally too busy drinking to get involved with THON, so now is your chance to make everyone else feel selfish in the glow of your altruism, on the rare occasions that you have wifi in Cambodia.

Or, maybe you’re more of an outdoors enthusiast. Tell everyone that after hiking Mount Nittany twice over your PSU career (mostly for the Insta), you realized that mountain climbing is your true passion, and you’re off to hike the Appalachian Trail. ”It’s only when we get lost that we can truly find ourselves,” right? Get that quote tatted to prove your dedication to ~wanderlust~.

Speaking of tattooing, if you’re an artist (or even if you’re not), take it a step further and become a tattoo artist, while you ignore the need to find a traditional ”career” job. Explain that during your time at PSU, you realized how many grown idiots get the Nittany Lion inked on their calves or upper arms, and you have steady hands, so that’s probably all the talent it takes. And you’d never make a grammatical or spelling error in ink because you took Comm 260.

Maybe you’re more of a foodie (AKA you’ve found a new interest in Mexican food ever since the establishment of Yallah Taco this past year). Now that you’re home, and no longer a drunken stumble away from Yallah after leaving the Gaff, you can bring gourmet nachos to the people wherever you are! But, most importantly, to yourself.

Finally, try taking a tip from all those people who make keychains and rustic jewelry in foreign countries and bring that artisanal charm to your hometown (since you’re probs living at home these days). If you live in-state, you know you’ll be selling some PSU memorabilia. At least with your comm degree you’ll know how to market it.

We Are! Unemployed. Well, maybe only some of us.  

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