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Overheard while Listening to the Willard Preacher

On a Friday afternoon at Penn State, many of you are napping and making pregame plans. We at The Black Sheep however, spent some of our Friday listening to the holy ramblings of the Willard Preacher. While his words were inspiring, the commentary of other students was just as intriguing.

5.) “Oh shit, I have to buy beer”:
As the Preacher paced back and forth, he couldn’t help but insert the sinfulness of Natty Light into his speech. For some of your fellow students, this apparently only serves as a reminder to pick up some of that heathen liquid for themselves. We’re sure the Preacher would be thrilled to know he’s promoting your alcohol consumption.

4.) “That reminds me… I gotta get condoms”:
Basically, a walk past the Willard Steps is just a reminder of your sinful grocery list. The words intended to send you to Pasquerilla are really sending you to McClanahan’s, although the Preacher would argue this route eventually leads to hell. On the bright side, he’s sort of advocating for safe sex.

3.) “I bet he’s a freak in bed”:
While we can never be sure if this was intended to be about the Willard Preacher or not, it does make us wonder about his bedroom habits. Clearly, the guy has some preoccupation with sex, considering he’s mentioned it multiple times a day for the last several years. Is the Willard Preacher into something kinky? Unfortunately, we shall never know.

2.) “Hey, excuse me… are you going to hell?”:
Inevitably, someone wanted to start a debate. This question, however, has some merits. Will the Willard Preacher be getting into heaven? After standing in all kinds of weather and talking at college students who have little to no interest in what he says, the Willard Preacher seems to be living through hell currently. That level of dedication surely earns him a spot in heaven, right?

1.) “Who’s that?”:
This one comes from what we assume to be a mom visiting Penn State with her son. As the family admired Old Main and Pattee, they also got to see another resource this campus has to offer, that is, the Willard Preacher. While mom seemed a bit concerned about the man in the red sweatshirt talking to himself, we hope she learned the true nature of the Preacher and can rest assured that her child will always have spiritual guidance available to walk past and ignore completely.

The next time you walk through Pattee Mall, pull out an earbud and take in the iconic ramblings of the Willard Preacher. If nothing else, you’ll remember to pick up some beer and condoms.

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