With graduation only three weeks away, seniors can’t put off decorating their caps any longer. For those of us who aren’t fine arts majors, this is the time to show our families and friends that we haven’t lost all our creative abilities over these past four (or five) years of higher education. You know, like the ones we learned in elective woodshop and ceramics in high school.
The Artsy Aesthetic:
Remember macaroni art? Imagine slathering your cap with glue in the shape of P-S-U to create a decoration that is both aesthetically pleasing and nutritious. Heck yes, you learned to multitask in college! And you never know when you might need an emergency snack. Penn State commencement ceremonies tend to drag, considering we have 40,000+ students. Bear Grylls would be impressed with that foresight.
The Sexy Aesthetic:
Another fun and flirty idea is taking all your unused condoms, since you’ll never have as much sex as you’re having here at PSU (unless you went to one of these schools beforehand) , and making balloon animals out of them. Then, apply the balloon animals to your cap. A condom Lion would be a real crowd-pleaser, even if it’s not exactly the most original idea.
The 409 Aesthetic:
If you’re an avid Penn State football fan, gather up the free Beaver Stadium shakers (pompoms?) you’ve collected over all four years of drunken home games and tape them to your cap. How’s that for pizazz? And nostalgic, too! Bonus round: provided you took more than your one allotted shaker per game, you could even line your grad gown with them for an exciting reveal when the wind blows. As we know, it’s always windy in State College.
The Cult Aesthetic:
One of the most important parts of college is the friendships we forge here. For that reason, you might want to consider snipping off a lock of each of your friends’ hair to tie into your tassel. Nothing says sisterhood like melded DNA! Added style points if you sneak into East Halls and use one of the high-pressure showers to break your hair off, rather than just cutting it. Talk about multitasking.
The Drunk Nerd Aesthetic:
If you, like most, love drinking and you love Harry Potter even more, make your grad cap into a Marauder’s Map that shows all your friends at their favorite bars (probably Champs Downtown), plus your food-oriented friend at Yallah Taco or D.P. Dough, and of course your cheap food friend at Canyon. Nobody makes it out of here without trying it at least five times. Don’t forget, graduation = mischief managed.
The Insured-iPhone Aesthetic:
For those of us with slippery hands, drunk hands or slippery and drunk hands, a cool grad cap idea that def won’t piss your parents off could be taping on all the iPhones you broke over your college career onto the top. What better way to memorialize eight or more semesters of debauchery traversing the cracked and potholed streets and sidewalks of State College? The more cracked iPhones on your hat, the more street cred.
Whether or not they do, use that reasoning to explain the shadow box you’ll put your lovely cap into after graduation. Tell your parents to hang it on their wall next to your diploma until you get a job and move out. Then, once you’re an employed post-PSU professional, prove it by transferring the diploma-grad-cap combo to your office wall; A great way to earn the respect of your colleagues and superiors!