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The Penn State Naughty or Nice List

The Black Sheep is making a list, checking it twice, and here to tell you who’s been naughty or nice this semester.  We’ve seen you when you’re drinking, we know when you’re baked, we know who’s been bad or good, so read this list for Christ’s sake! Relieve the stress of studying (or avoiding studying) for finals with our Penn State naughty or nice list.

6.) Nice–The Willard Preacher:
The Willard Preacher is like that opinionated uncle who always talks politics on holidays: you don’t always love what he has to say, but things just wouldn’t be the same without him. No matter what, The Preacher has ensured that we all know we’re on his naughty list. For spreading judgments all year, The Willard Preacher has earned his place on the nice list.

5.) Naughty–Construction:
Anyone unfortunate enough to live north of campus or near any of the new buildings coming to State College can understand the atrocious side-effects of Penn State’s construction.  Whether it be sitting in traffic on North Atherton for twenty minutes every morning or waking up to the sweet sounds of trucks beeping incessantly, construction has wreaked havoc for all of us this semester.

4.) Nice–Saquon Barkley:
When times get tough, there must be someone to look towards as a beacon of hope and safety.  For Penn Staters, this figure has been Saquon Barkley. While this football season wasn’t completely what we’d have hoped, we always had Saquon to guide us. Because he spread cheer throughout Happy Valley, Saquon has made the nice list.

3.) Naughty–Cyclists/Pedestrians:
Sure, your side in this argument depends on which group you belong to, but anyone that’s driven through campus can attest to the fact that you’re both a pain in the ass. Cyclists and pedestrians are both always in the way, and neither one knows it. Maybe if you can agree that you’re both equally annoying, Penn State can live in harmony and you’ll make the nice list next year.

2.) Nice–Penn State’s Squirrels:
If you’ve ever seen a squirrel happily rifling through the trash on a Sunday morning, you’ll know what we’re talking about. It’s impossible to not smile at the sheer ecstasy of a squirrel discovering leftover Canyon from the night before. While you slave away in preparation for finals, you’ll likely wish you could just be a Penn State Squirrel.

1.) Naughty–Pollock Testing Center:
The Testing Center makes every exam feel like a matter of national security. Once you make your way through the line, swipe in, and find your computer, you’ve completely forgotten what exam you’re even taking. Getting into the room to take your exam shouldn’t be harder than the test itself. For this unnecessary stress, Pollock Testing Center has earned a spot on the naughty list.

Now that you know who’s getting coal this year, stop slacking off and get to Pattee. You can’t just sit around all day before finals week. What do you think this is, Pitt?

 

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