A tragic discovery has been made by Penn State’s males. The secret weapon of their sex life, McClanahan’s Penn State Dad t-shirt, is ineffective at making girls call them daddy.
It started when Penn State senior Josh Bronard headed to McClanahan’s for some game day attire. “I wanted to find something that would make me stand out, so I was blown when I found a Penn State Dad shirt. I mean, that’s gotta get girls to notice you, right?” Josh was too excited to keep the discovery to himself. “I got my bro Trevor down here and told him I could get him laid this weekend for sure,” Josh recalled.
Issues began when Trevor and Josh tailgated that Saturday.
“This chick was talking to me about some fight with her Delta Gamma sisters and her feelings, so I thought I should turn the attention back to the important stuff, the shirt. I said, ‘Got this shirt a while ago, but it’s a little tight in the arms anymore’ and then I flexed because girls love that shit. She just rolled her eyes and said he had to go refill her drink,” lamented Josh.
Trevor’s experience didn’t go better.
“I was making out with this girl after the game. Things were going well, but I thought I could seal it for sure by reminding her of my daddy status. I asked her if my shirt made her think of anything. She only said she felt uncomfortable because she got it for her dad last Father’s Day. Total turn-off,” Trevor admitted.
Trevor and Josh weren’t the only ones to experience the disappointment of the Penn State Dad shirt. Senior Will Jones remembers a dark time sophomore year when he, too, fell for the temptation of daddy clothing.
“One time I wore it to a highlighter party in an Allen Street basement. One or five Natty Lights later, I was drunkenly calling myself daddy to every girl I could find, but they all ignored me. It was a dark time,” Will said, shuddering at the thought of such a harsh memory.
McClanahan’s still proudly offers Penn State Dad t-shirts, allowing more students to fall victim every day. In their defense, a McClanahan’s spokesperson who wished to remain nameless said, “We sell the shirts with the intention that actual fathers of Penn State students will wear them. It’s not our fault that girls aren’t onboard with your daddy fetish.”