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How to Turn Up 7 Days of the Week Now That This PSU Semester Is Ending

Now that Penn Staters need to adjust to LAGL (life after Greek life) before next semester, it’s time to get creative with our party ideas. No more Business Bros and Corporate Hoes. And, please, no more Five Minutes Before Porn parties. If you want to be almost naked in public, do it on your own time, or save it for the Mifflin Streak.

 

7.) Childhood Self Portrait Party:

Step 1: Dress yourself according exactly to the style your 7-year-old self-portrait demands.

Step 2: Apply makeup that parallels the features on your portrait’s face. For instance, if you have inch-long eyelashes and purple eyebrows, draw on eyelashes and paint your brows purple to make for the most authentic you.

Step 3: Hang a picture you drew of yourself as a child for reference and fact-checking.

Bonus: Since you’re already dressed as children, tie yourselves to a rope like the infamous(ly adorable) daycare rope kids.

 

6.) Harry Potter Sorting Hat Party:

Now that we don’t have Greek life to tell us who we are as people, we need to find new modes of public judgment. Ask your most scathing and opinionated friend to dress up as the sorting hat from Harry Potter and to sit on your guests’ heads, pondering out loud which Hogwarts house he or she belongs in. Then, force everyone to wear the colored streamers and robes of their house, and to act accordingly to the characteristics of the designated house.

 

 

5.) IPA Party:

The “P” in IPA stands for party, right? Well, probs not, because it’s impossible for most to drink more than three without feeling like they’ve just ingested liquid cement or a gallon of creamery chocolate milk. To execute the IPA party, ask guests to dress up and act like the name of their favorite IPAs. If it’s Flower Power, dress like a hippy and talk really slowly, exclusively in metaphors. If it’s Raging Bitch, dress like Tomi Lahren and say bigoted things really loudly and angrily.

 

4.) Babadook Party:

While the Babadook is no riot-inciting Penn State clown, he is one of the most terrifying figures in contemporary horror films, his appearance is actually hilarious when taken out of context. Have a good laugh and maybe a spook or two by inviting all your friends over to dress up like the Babadook. Bonus points if you bring a bag of meal worms as a snack, or if you hide in the closet to pop out and scare other guests.

 

3.) Viking Party:

The toga party is a tired college tradition deserving of some rest, like Penn State’s Greek system. Try something new and invite your friends to come over in woolen tunics and helmets with horns on them like the Vikings once wore. This idea may be better suited to the colder months, as an apartment full of people essentially wearing wool dresses likely gets pretty hot. Bring pitchforks for added flair and fun! Plus, we’re all skilled at pillaging, based on the various riots and rallies we’ve thrown on Beaver Ave. Just don’t knock down any lampposts this time, okay?

 

2.) Everybody Is Zedd Party:

TBT to both incredible times when Zedd came to the BJC. What’s better than one designated DJ at a party? Five. Or 23. Instruct all your guests to bring their own portable speakers and to play whichever playlist gets them most hype to crush Nattys. The only off-limit song is “We Dem Boyz,” because it’ll induce violent flashbacks to the football team fumbling, just for the stadium sound booth to follow it up by playing that song. You might even leave the party with an idea for a new hit mashup.

Pro tip: Cover your walls with memory foam mattresses to keep the sound in and prevent noise complaints from your shitty landlord.

 

1.) Pool Party:

It shouldn’t be earthshattering to recognize that the vast majority of college students don’t live in a place that has its own pool. For that reason, we have every right to exploit the pools on campus. And the Duck Pond. It totally counts. Roll up squad deep to the first pool you find (Natatorium or White Building, probs) and make that body of water your own. Bring a George Foreman, some inflatable palm trees, and a pair of sneakers to run away when the campus police show. Ferris Bueller AF.

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