Look, no matter how fun trash talking may be, it’s time we Panthers admit something; Penn State just isn’t worthy of our time. It’s time for us to move on to bigger and better things and pretend they don’t exist. Let them scream, “Shitt on Pitt!” all they want, here are 10 things more worthy of your attention than trash talking Penn State.
10.) Our own football team:
Sorry to come for the student section like this but STAY. FOR. THE. FOURTH. QUARTER. We know you’re drunk and tired, but come on, where’s your school spirit?
9.) Your useless gen-ed:
Honestly, you’d be better off putting effort into your History of Jazz class than any effort into formulating any kind of statement about that school up north. Dust off the textbook that you bought two weeks ago and haven’t even bothered pulling the plastic off of. You may as well even bother attending the recitations!
8.) Reading The Pittiful News:
7.) Rewatching Jersey Shore:
It’s now culturally irrelevant, much like Penn State, but at least you’ll be somewhat entertained watching the worst representation of Italian Americans ever out there.
6.) Trying to buy liquor with your Panther Card:
Just stroll right into the Atwood Wine & Spirits and whip out that Panther Card. Swipe it like you’re trying to get into Market. If that doesn’t work, go down the street just a little and try it with Garage Door. Someone is bound to let you in.
5.) Going to a frat party you know will get busted:
Add some excitement to your life. Go to the most rambunctious, obnoxious, clearly not safe frat party you can find in the middle of South Oakland. Call the police yourself if it seems they may not show up. It’ll be fun to watch all the frat boys dance to avoid getting cited, and you’ll get a workout in from having to run away.
Dying seems preferable to wasting your time on Penn State, we can’t believe we even put the effort into typing out the name of that school, nonetheless giving a damn about what they do or how they feel about us. It’s better to just lay down and ask whatever entity you may believe in to take you away.
3.) Scream endlessly into the void:
At least you know in the void there’s nothingness. There are no mentions of blue and white there, only the absence of all color.
2.) Going to WVU:
We’d rather see you there than PSU. Go Mountaineers!
Write a book, solve world hunger, rush Pike. Hey, paint a mural of your face on the side of the new blue and Pittified 10A. Anything you do is more worthwhile than giving attention to them. Please don’t waste your time.