One of the most popular student organizations at Pitt is the Cathy Club, a union of promiscuous youths who have gotten down n’ dirty somewhere in the Cathedral of Learning. We, The Black Sheeple of Pitt, believe that this club is overrated. Why? Because the challenge is minimal. For what it lacks in girth, Cathy makes up for in height – with 42 stories to choose from, students have endless places to get freaky without getting caught. The result is a club that almost anyone can join, and a gothic-revival building that reeks of sex. That said, here are some more risqué alternatives to the Cathy Club, for those who want to boost their resume before their next sexual encounter.
5.) The Hillman Club:
Do you enjoy curling up with a good book after making sweet love? Then Hillman Library might be the perfect place for your next hookup. There are only 3 operational floors, and all of them feature a wide-open floor plan, so avoiding getting caught will be tricky. Cowards may decide to book a private study room and get freaky in there – we suggest you crank the challenge up a notch and fuck in a chair on the ground floor.
4.) The Petersen Events Center Club:
The middle of the basketball court. One of tables next to fake Subway and fake Chipotle. On a treadmill. The Pete is full of creative public places to bang. Students who manage to get it on in a Roc costume will immediately achieve an Elite club membership.
3.) The Frick Fine Arts Building Club:
Nothing sets the mood like fine art. One trip to Pitt’s most artsy library and you’re bound to get frickin’ with your significant other (or a rando, we won’t judge). This building is one of the quieter ones on campus, so any and all sex noises will have to be muffled to avoid attracting attention. Those who tend to be noisy or who are unable to join the Hillman Club will not be good candidates for the Frick Club.
2.) The Waffallonia Club:
The coziest locale on this list is Waffallonia, the tiny, trash-can-shaped hut that sells Belgian waffles next to The Porch. Based on the circumference of this building, those who want to join the club will have to get comfortable with sex standing-up. Also, due to the special limitations, no two couples (or groups, we won’t judge) can join the club at the same time. This makes the Waffallonia Club one of the most selective clubs Pitt has to offer.
1.) The Posvar Club:
Ah, Posvar, a massive brown rectangle of endless brown hallways that all look exactly the same. Fucking in this gargantuan building seems like it would be even easier than in Cathy. That’s why joining the Posvar club means more than just banging in the building. Dangling precariously from the ceiling of Posvar is a Langley Aerodrome, an experimental aircraft built in 1896. The small plane is made of wood and fabric that probably can’t handle the weight of two people smashing. However, if one wants to join the Posvar Club, the Aerodrome is where they need to shack up. We can’t tell you exactly how to access the plane, but if you manage it, send us pics.
Now that you have some alternatives to the tired-old Cathy Club, what are you waiting for? Find someone as horny as you are and start joining as many of these brand-new clubs as possible. College is all about being involved, anyway.
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