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5 Obnoxious People in Your Intro to Psychology Class

There’s nothing like an easy blow-off class to start off your Pitt career of doing the bare minimum. In such a large class, it’s easy to spot the different subgroups of Psychology-lovers:

5.) Highlighter Bitch:
This girl will sit in the front row, dead-center, for the entirety of the semester. She will be there before you manage to stumble in half-asleep, looking delightfully alert. She will be there after the lecture ends, talking to the professor like they’re old friends. Her Kate Spade tote bag is filled with sixty different colored highlighters, a never-ending supply of sticky notes, gum, a light snack, Vitamin Water, gel pens, and a MacBook with a single “Pitt” applique. Is she a robot? Who knows. But she’s gonna fuck up the curve on the midterm.

4.) The One-Woman Band:
The lecture is almost halfway over when she appears. Armed with a big ass backpack, two purses, a gym bag, the flakiest croissant in the world, and a Venti Ice Caramel Macchiato, the amount of noise she makes in a dead-silent lecture hall should be illegal. And don’t expect the One-Woman Band to do the socially responsible thing and snag an open seat in the back—instead, she’ll tromp down the aisle, instruments of destruction in tow, and ask everyone in the entire goddamn middle row to stand up so she can sit down, pop out her laptop and. Jesus Christ. She isn’t even taking notes, she’s on Pinterest.

3.) Who?:
On the day of the midterm, he will appear. You have never seen him before in lecture and to be honest, he looks completely lost. And completely stoned. He doesn’t have a backpack; he’s just carrying his Panther ID, pencils, eraser, and notebook loose in his arms. He’ll grapple over where to sit until the very second the test starts, and then fill out the Scantron one number off the entire time.

2.) BFFs:
These girls will babble about their weekends and how they got soooooo drunk or how Ryan didn’t call them back all through lecture. Their bouts of loud giggling will feel like nails on a chalkboard as you strain to both hear your Professor and clear your throat loudly and passive-aggressively enough to signal extreme annoyance.

1.) The Rest of Us:
Pitt’s natural science requirement is dumb. Chemistry and Physics are just math under a different name. Biology means sitting through an hour-long lab. Astronomy sounds cool until you realize it’s just space math. You’d kill yourself before taking Geology. Thus, Intro To Psychology is tolerated by the rest of us slackers and English majors who can barely count.

There you have it. Intro to Psychology is the best place to experience the diversity of Pitt since everyone and their grandmother takes it. Just remember that, even if you think the class is easy, you’re not cut out to be a psychologist. Seriously. Figure your own shit out before thinking you’re some hot shot who can fix other peoples’ shit.




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