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5 Ways to Get That Pitt Internship You Didn’t Apply For

You had it all planned out. This summer was going to be the summer that you finally landed that required internship. Pitt offers plenty, and since interacting with unfamiliar organizations is too “adulty,” you decided to take them up on their hypothetical offer. One problem–the deadline to apply was weeks ago. No biggie, because we at The Black Sheep have devised some clever ways to become an intern at Pitt without actually applying.

5.) Crash a meeting:
Pitt wants interns that are go-getters. First, find out when your department of choice has meetings. Second, put on your best business suit. Now take off the jacket, roll up the sleeves, and loosen the tie so that it looks like you’ve been working hard. March into that conference room with a cigarette in hand. Put that sucker out on a table and say, “things are about to change around here.” You’ll be the most respected person in that room, guaranteed.

4.) Start following Dean Bonner around:
He’s looking for an assistant, right? Wasn’t that one of the internships you saved on Handshake? Doesn’t matter, you’re going to make yourself his new lackey. Next time you see him in Cathedral, simply begin following him around with a notepad. Take diligent notes on what he does, offer to take his calls, remind him that he can’t do lunch because he has that 1 o’clock scheduled. Don’t be phased if he asks who you are and what the hell you’re doing.

3.) Hack Pitt’s social media:
If social media is your game, you don’t need any fancy pants “applications” or “interviews” to be an intern. You just need a phone, some good password guessing skills, and persistence. Once you’ve accessed Pitt’s social media accounts, begin tweeting the dankest memes in your archives on their behalf. Call out other schools and wage a merciless, no-survivors Twitter war. You’ll be the marketing hero Pitt always deserved.

2.) Just put it on your resume:
I mean, who’s going to know if you didn’t actually complete an internship. Pitt’s got that “internship guarantee,” right? If they didn’t give you one by the time you’re ready to graduate, that’s on them. Go ahead and write whatever you want to write on your resume. You’ve earned it, you glorious, successful son of a bitch.

1.) Market yourself on Forbes:
This option should be saved for when all other options have proven unsuccessful. Get yourself a nice piece of cardboard, write “Will Intern For Free” on it, and park your ass on Forbes until a compassionate advisor notices you.

Those are just a few ways to get your dream internship even if you missed the application deadline. If you’re not graduating, there’s always next year. And you’ll definitely be on top of your shit then.

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