Can you feel it? That electricity in the air, crazed children on sugar rushes, the feeling of silly costumes, and diabetes? That’s Halloween in a nutshell, or at least it used to be when we were kids. Halloween used to be about getting dressed up, getting your gang together, and moving as a clumsy wildebeest herd from door to door, holding people up for candy. The problem is, if a college junior knocks on your door at 10 p.m. wearing a costume and asking for candy, you’d probably be freaked out. So we put together some places to avoid Pitt trick-or-treating this Halloween.
So, unless you want to get a lower body workout in addition to the buckets of sugar you’re putting in your body, you’ll avoid Darragh, AKA real cardiac hill, which stands at a 78-degree angle relative to Fifth Ave. You might need some O2 as you get near the top, so be sure to pack that in your pillowcase too. Honestly, we’re not even sure if there are that many houses on Darragh either, isn’t that just where all the med and pharmacy students are?
The question we pose here is; do you really want to risk your professor seeing you pander from home to home for cheap candy in a shoddily made costume while you have a buzz (or more) on and are also failing their class? That just seems like an awkward situation waiting to happen, so why don’t you just avoid all the professors on Tennyson.
4.) The Dirty O:
We dare you to walk into the O and ask for anything to eat. We double dare you. Because somehow we’re pretty sure that they could mess up a pre-wrapped Reese’s peanut butter cup and make it give you food poisoning just by occupying the same toxic cloud as their hot dogs and chili. Seriously, if you’re going here for any other reason than you lost a bet, what are you doing? 10/10 would avoid.
3.) Across the Boulevard:
We don’t know what goes on across the Boulevard. All bets are off when you trick-or-treat out there, in the land of no sun. Seriously, is that even Oakland? They might not have the same zip code. More than anything you’re not going to want to walk all the way back to campus after your Halloween adventures.
What are the chances that, instead of celebrating Halloween, Duquesne actually does literal witch hunts during the month of October, executing (or expelling) anyone they think practices black magic? We don’t know the exact number, but we can’t imagine it’s low. All we’re saying is, you probably don’t want to find yourself on Duquesne’s campus in a pointy black hat and a broomstick anytime soon.
1.) Penn State:
Yeah, you knew this one was coming. Nobody likes you guys. You probably give out off-brand chocolates and toothpaste for trick-or-treating. Actually, you probably don’t even give anything out on Halloween, leaving poor kids to walk home, sugarless. The one Halloween they spent at State College being the worst Halloween of their lives and being the worst memory they have as an adult of their childhoods.
Whether it’s a trick or a treat, it’s safe to say you won’t be getting it at any of these locations.