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7 Market Central Tide Pod Hacks Since the Food Already Might Kill You

Everyone is wondering lately why the Tide Pods got moved from next to the gushers at Rite Aid on Atwood. Tide Pods are just extra juicy little Totino’s pizza rolls, they belong in the food aisle. Anywho, what goes better with these extra-strength NyQuils? Market! That’s right, we took something that somehow could kill you and paired it with Market, something that could actually kill you (by crapping your brains out of course, worst way to go). Meme De La Crème Chef Extreme has been in the kitchen at The Black Sheep and he wants to know if you can smell what he is cookin’:

7.) Ask Sandwich Lady to put them in your sandwich:
She’ll gladly oblige if you give her one as a tax. Make sure she eats her share after she finishes making it though. The flavor tends to overwhelm people.

6.) Ask Stir-Fry Lady to mix them in with your stir-fry:
She is normally mad, but Tide Pods also make great grill cleaners! Who knew? So tell her that you want these babies right then and there with your chicken sizzling on the grill.

5.) Burst them open and put their excellent sauce on your unidentified meat burger:
You know what goes great with Market cheeseburgers that have no taste at all except the taste of calories? Some Tide Pods that won’t make you feel bad at all about how much you ate at Market. In fact, they have shown to cause complete memory loss of all bad memories (and good ones, and neutral ones, pretty much you forget for a good while).

4.) Drizzle it over fries:
They stopped having every spice except curry at Market, which is disappointing because Caribbean jerk seasoning and neckbeard tears sprinkled with Tide Pods will liven up any clump of five-hour heat lamp fries. Make sure to throw some cheese on there too.

3.) Put it in the ambiguous Market soup:
Whatever they have (it’s normally something that tastes like what they had all 364 other days of the year), it’s better than oyster crackers to throw in some Tide Pods. It may change the color of your soup, but it adds immense, savory flavor that carves its way down your throat as you enjoy every drop.

2.) Top your soft serve with it:
It’s getting warmer in the burgh, and what is better to cool off with on these weird warm January days than some Tide Pod syrup-drizzled soft serve. And if the machine is broken (hint: it always is), just throw it on some of that weird sorbet or hard ice cream they have, if it wasn’t a killer dessert before, it soon will be!

1.) Shove it in the famous Market grilled cheese:
When they make them, a Market grilled cheese binge can provide the calories for a 6,000 calorie a day diet. You know what will curb your hunger but with all that buttery flavor? Tide Pods. Only one grilled cheese stuffed with the forbidden fruit will send you into another world of flavor.

So, if you can get your hands on them, Tide Pods and Market are a match made in misery heaven. They’re like wow-did-I-just-swallow-something-I-never-tasted-before? kind of good. Let’s face it, the only thing that can improve Market is a new and flavorful topping that even stops you from getting the after-Market toilet blues. And with Tide Pods shoved in every orifice, you won’t have that, or any other problems, anymore!

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