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7 Reasons You’re Glad You Don’t Go to Penn State

 

As you walk to that frat party in the bowels of South O you’ll hear a “Fuck Penn State” chant emanating from at least three houses you pass by, regardless if we’re playing them or not. Pitt’s had it good this year when it comes to stroking our better-than-PSU egos. We beat the Nittany Lions not only it football but also in academics so far this year. However, times are getting tough. With Penn State ranked at number 12 and Pitt being classic Pitt, we’re starting to feel a little down. But fear not. The Black Sheep is here to help you sleep a little bit easier with 7 reasons you’re happy you didn’t go to Penn State.

 

7.) Unhappy Valley:
Make a trip to Penn State’s campus and take in the scenery.  You’re basically in the middle of nowhere.  While perhaps the sight Mount Nittany and trees can keep you interested for half an hour, otherwise you’re stuck in Pennsyltucky.  Look out your grimy apartment windows and take in the sight of Cathy looming in the distance.  Where would you be without her?

 

6.) Their Mascot is a Mess:

 

The Nittany Lion mascot visits the Nittany Lion statue. Penn State's University Park campus, Dec. 2012.

 

A two year old designed and put together the Nittany Lion. He looks more like a stuffed animal about to be mercilessly thrown in the trash by your parents. Not to mention how much of a tryhard he is, just to always fall somewhat short. Meanwhile, we’re all sluts for Roc. He could stand on the field for fifteen minutes completely motionless and we’d still cheer. 

 

5.) Their Drunk pizza can’t compare:
Nothing compares to stumbling up Atwood at two in the morning with a greasy, cheesy, $6 dollar pizza in your hands. And while Penn State may have their own drunken pizza, it doesn’t nearly reach the solid lower-middle tier quality that Atwood street’s fine establishments have going for them. And if they could bring back $5 pizzas, it would be even better.

 

4.) A Creamery Isn’t That Big of A Deal:
Why do Penn State students talk about Berkey Creamery so much? Imagine being a Penn State student with so little going on in your life that ice cream is something you make a big deal about. Further, who wants to wait in line just to be told you can’t mix flavors? We want options here, people. Just head down Atwood where we have our own creamery so you can gain your freshman fifteen mixing any flavors you want.

 

3.)  Having That Much School Spirit is Exhausting:

 

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Penn Staters won’t let anyone forget how much they love Penn State. Alumni are more committed to Penn State football than they are to their own marriages. “We Are Penn State?” More like “We Are Trying Too Hard.” No one here at Pitt has time for that. We’ve never even seen the fourth quarter of any game.

 

2.) Satellite Campuses:
The majority of Penn State students don’t even go to main campus.  Who wants to spend 2-4 years of your college career in a tired campus where there’s even less to do than your already sub-par main campus?  Be grateful you’re safe within Oakland.  Your grades were good enough to land you here, surrounded by robberies and dirty basement parties. 

 

And lastly,

1.)

 

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If binge drinking is a major problem, then why does cheap beer come in packs of 30?:

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