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Top 8 Buys on Pitt Free & For Sale to Treat Yo’self With

The Pitt Free & For Sale Facebook page is the pinnacle of university commerce. There are items for everybody, and it’s a little less sketchy than Craigslist. Here are some of the highlights of the Facebook group from 2017 you should go ahead and treat yo’self with this holiday season. 

8.) This sick gaming rig:

Bro, this setup is going to get you laid so fast, you won’t have time to unclip the safety strap of your Wii remote. Party like it’s 2009 with this full Nintendo Wii console. It comes with the Wii Fit board so you and your significant other can do some sexy simulated yoga with your customized Miis. If nothing else, she’ll be impressed with all 32” of that girthy high-def TV.

7.) The greatest salesperson who ever lived:

Please for the love of fuck would somebody buy this TV already? Take it, just take it. They’ll deliver it to you. They’ll
pay you to take it. They’ll do unspeakable things. They even took the time to remind you of its 4.4-star review on Amazon, how the hell could you say no? Also, they’re small. And winter is coming. Game of Thrones reference? I don’t know, but it makes us want to TV even harder. 

6.) Textbook for Unplanned Parenthood 101:

This Developmental Psychology book may seem like it’s targeted at psych majors, but don’t be fooled. It’s for irresponsible hooligans who accidentally spawned a human. They don’t know how to handle the weird alien they’re going to birth in 9 months, and now they’re desperately searching Free and For Sale for baby toys and guidebooks. And at only $999,999, this one is a steal.

5.) This sex toy:

Facial brush? Ha! You’re not fooling anybody with this electric sin machine. Look at that purple, rounded shape, and tell us it isn’t designed for some freaky vibration action in the bedroom. This is for people who want to spice things up on a budget, hence looking for used sex paraphernalia. And look, there’s even a button at the bottom to give the seller a massage. Fucking perverted, man.

4.) This hecking good lamp:

Everyone’s biggest issue when furnishing apartments is finding a lamp with a melt hole. This one is fully equipped and, according to the seller, “it work!” Shut up and take my money.

3.) Roughly-used twin size mattress topper:

Just in case the high-rise twin bed isn’t enough of a safety hazard, lightly used mattress toppers are available to slip and slide while you’re trying to get comfy. Try not to think about the shameful, sweaty things that went down on that twin bed.

2.) This acting textbook:

Maybe you’re taking an acting class or maybe you need to act like you care about your gen-eds. Maybe you’re ready to drop out and say, “Screw you, Dad, I can make it in Hollywood with or without your money.” Maybe you just want to put it on a shelf to look like you’re cultured. Whatever the need, this book will bring out the Leonardo DiCaprio within you.

1.) Bumpin’ surround sound speakers:

Do you throw sweaty South O basement parties on the weekends? Your downstairs neighbors causing a ruckus? Trying to block out the haters? Free and For Sale to the rescue, these speakers will do the trick. At any hour of the day or night, you can blast “Africa” by Toto to the volume of your desire and hear it throughout your house. That’s the American Dream.

Look no further than these gems that are either free or for sale. Go ahead and treat yo’self, you deserve it. 


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