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We Camped Out in Towers and There Are Things We Can’t Unsee

Towers is the real Oakland zoo. A place where dreams are shattered, friends are gained and lost, furniture is destroyed, and laundry is dropped. A nice, occasional scone or coffee is bought, and table-rs table. It’s the type of place for those just passing through, but just homey enough that some weird stuff could happen on the way. What happens in Towers, stays there… unless you get arrested which can happen. We camped out to see what happens in on a normal day and night in Towers. Here are some things we can’t unsee from that night:

1:05 p.m.
Someone frantically selling other frantic people flowers because they forgot a special occasion. Sometimes we forget, okay?

3:00 p.m.
A really long line for Market. Did we forget Marketsgiving or Market Christmas? And no, it won’t be better than normal, or like mom used to make.

3:51 p.m.
Someone pushing for the legalization of transgender polyamorous fish marriage while smoking weed. We didn’t actually see this but people have tabled for some wild things.

4:27 p.m.
Some guy dressed like an ancient Roman senator in a toga-thing handing out meditation manuals. Take one, he seems nice…?

8:02 p.m.
A half-to-fully naked person locked out of their dorm room. Probably one of the many angry at Panther Central, and trying to get a lockout code.

8:42 p.m.
People who spilled mainly undergarments everywhere at the top of the Market steps. Ooh, nice thong, didn’t I match with you?

10:06 p.m.
A really long line to get into dorms. There must have been some kind of big freshman-y event. Can’t they swipe faster?

11:34 p.m.
A guy who walked in with an ornate stolen glass beer stein and dropped it, shattering it. An unlucky drunk day bud.

12:35 a.m.
A group of people still drinking from the party they just came from out of a red solo cup. How exactly did you manage this?

12:56 a.m.
A really scared looking, skinny freshman girl just trying to survive in the environment. You should not have come out tonight.

1:06 a.m.
Barf. Yeah, you know the drill.

1:59 a.m.
A pizza delivery dude with way too many pizzas. Like its 40 to a floor in Towers man, leave some ‘za for the rest of us.

2:02 a.m.
Someone passed out on the floor in the corner, just out of the sight of cops. Sleep tight?

2:25 a.m.
The mom of the group. Okay, we get it. We will wait to pass out and barf in your bed, okay?

3:00 a.m.
A broken window. Protests or ragers usually break these, so watch yoself.

3:05 a.m.
Thirsty dudes waiting on their Tinder hookups. This all started with that hot girl who spilled her thong.

3:05 a.m.
Non-thirsty roommates unsure of where to go after being sexiled. Sucks to suck, go get a pizza from the pizza guy.

4:00 a.m.
Cops. Next to the drunk people, and the barf, and the beer stein, and the passed out guy in the corner.

4:47 a.m.
A REALLY dirty chair. There has been some ragers in Towers lobby, let us tell ya bro…

6:34 a.m.
Our parents. Oh god, please, it’s not normally this bad, how was the drive? No, don’t step in that sticky puddle by the thongs…

Sure, most of these are freshie-level mistakes and antics, but we all have to learn, sometimes by doing. God help you if you lived here, though.


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