Ahh, the end of semester. A time full of regret and sleepless nights, usually related to classes, but what happens when it’s matters of the heart that are keeping our Panthers up? If there’s someone in your 300-person biology lecture that you think you’d have a ton of chemistry with, but haven’t worked up the courage to talk to yet, don’t worry. There’s still time left in the semester to make your move. In fact, the end of the semester actually gives you a few ins.
First, you need to make contact. This is the hardest, and sometimes most intimidating, part. Saying hello is one of the first things we learn once we can talk, but saying it to someone who you find attractive can feel nearly impossible. You’ve spent the entire semester not speaking to them—unless your class is in a discussion-based environment, and then you’re in luck. Either way, maybe start out with a “Hi! There’s a few of us getting together to study for the final, would you like to join us?” Bam. Contact. It’s super easy. Practice by asking a few other people so you actually have a study group, and then of course you need their number, how else would you coordinate with everyone?
Try to sit by them when you study, so that they can hear all your sarcastic comments about the super annoying dude you accidentally invited. Your wit will definitely win them over, and voila. You’ve found love in an outlet-less place.
But, what if you don’t have a final, but instead an essay? While that’s definitely better for your grades, it’s worse for your love life. What you need to do is add them on Facebook, right now. Wait, what if you don’t know their last name? Well, sorry buddy. It’s this point in the semester, and obviously you didn’t think they were that cute before. Make sure you’re not getting finals goggles, which are only second worse to beer goggles.
Once they inevitably accept your friend request, wait two days and message them something about the paper. Do this while in Hillman, actually working on the paper, so that, when they respond and offer advice, you can casually invite them to work on the paper with you. This works even better if you have an outlet, because bitches love outlets. You can bond over a late night editing session, and you’ll get to see how they look after an all-nighter. It’s a flawless plan.
Now, if none of these plans work, just wait until Fuck Finals Friday, and you can invite them to a party. If you have their number from earlier in the semester, send them an address in a casual group message, so it doesn’t seem that forward of you. Invite them out for pizza afterwards, because who can resist falling in love over a warm Sorrentos pie? Atwood is obviously the #1 campus hotspot for love.
If all else fails, just hope that they failed the class like you did, so that you’ll see them at the beginning of next semester, where you can then make your move significantly earlier. What were you thinking, procrastinating on love? Your mother would be ashamed.