Just this morning, 26 students riding the 10A back to upper campus collectively took junior Natalie Headey’s side during her raucous phone argument with her “piece of shit” boyfriend, Ryan.
One person screaming into a cell phone on a crowded, silent bus at 9 a.m. is typically one of the most irritating experiences to be had by a Pitt student—aside from actually walking to upper campus—but sources confirm that all present students were enraptured by Headey’s steely tone and refusal to bow down to that punk bitch Ryan.
Freshman Cal Jenkins said, “I don’t even know where Ryan goes to school, but me and the boys were ready to blow off afternoon classes just to kneecap him. He was yelling at Natalie like she was a dog! Fuck that guy. Seriously.”
The freshman boy sitting directly across from Headey was apparently utilizing hand gestures to encourage her, with motions ranging from a thumbs down to a quick and damning slice across the throat.
The 26 passengers were primarily members of the girls’ volleyball team who stretched and bent to spell out “DUMP HIM” to a seething Headey.
“I actually missed my stop because I was so mad for her! I just wanted to steal her phone and tell Ryan to get lost!” cried Sarah O’Connor, the ‘M’ in ‘DUMP.’
The driver, Sammy “Hit n’ Run” Snyder, said, “Usually, when someone takes a phone call, I brake super hard so they fly forward and crack the damn thing. This time though, I just wanted to drive straight to wherever Ryan goes to college and show him exactly why I got my nickname.”
After the ride was over, Headey announced the passengers that she was “like, 97% totally going to dump his ass after class.”
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.