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Gallagher To Rename PPG Paints Arena ‘Gallagher Gator Gymnasium’ with Recent Pay Raise

In case the ever-inflating pay of Pitt’s top administration puts you in a deep depression so you haven’t heard the news, our beloved Gallagator was awarded a 2.25% pay increase the Monday after finals week. This puts his salary at $536,813, which is roughly the amount we will have in student loans after this pay increase hikes up our tuition again. Thankfully, we can expect our reptile-in-chief to use that money wisely, as he has announced that he will be funneling that money into buying the naming rights for PPG Paints Arena.

If you’re from “just outside of Philly” and not a native Pittsburgher, the Penguins didn’t always play in the fancy PPG Paints Arena downtown. They played in the Civic Arena. Which was renamed the Mellon Arena. Then back to the Civic Arena. But that changed when the Civic Arena was destroyed and the Penguins moved to the fancy new hockey rink and concert venue, the Consol Energy Center. Which became the PPG Paints Arena.

If you haven’t picked up on it yet, we aren’t very good at sticking with names for the place where our hockey team plays. The naming rights are given to the highest bidder, and Gallagator’s cool half a million salary puts him in the running.

Gallagator has announced that he will attempt to buy the Civic-Mellon-Civic-Consol-PPG Paints Arena and rename it to the Gallagher Gator Gymnasium. He also plans to slide in a little extra to make the arena part of Pitt’s campus so he can make money off that as well. While the Penguins and other organizations will obviously still be allowed to use the arena, you might just have to bus there if you’d like to see Pitt hockey games, if anyone does that.

Our reptilian overlord was also promised an additional $500,000 bonus in 2019 if he remains chancellor until then.  Hopefully, we will see him also put that money to good use.

Perhaps Gallagher will use that bonus to buy part of PNC Park, so that Pitt can have a hold in all of Pittsburgh’s sports stadiums. That should quench his thirst for power sufficiently. Well, unless we get a pro basketball team.

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