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How to: Cope with March Sadness

The games have been played, the seeds have been chosen, and the brackets have been created. Yes, it’s that time of the year again, March Madness. Men from all corners of the country will retreat to their basements for hours on end to slug brews and talk about how they “totally knew that 15 seed team from Vermont would make it this far.”

 

But this year seems a little less special for Pitt fans. Not only did the Panthers not make the big dance this year, they did so in a spectacularly humiliating fashion. Suspensions, a tough schedule, and the ability to never make a jump shot hindered Pitt this season, and many fans are now dealing with an empty feeling and a lot of free time. In ordered to help you deal with this The Black Sheep has come up with some ideas to occupy your new found down time.

 

Create the Perfect Bracket

Pitt sucking this year is actually an advantage for you. You won’t be blinded by the home team and pick the Panthers to win it all (always a mistake), and since Pitt shouldn’t have won any games this year, you can’t hate any team for beating us and decide not to pick them to win. Except Duke. Fuck Duke.

 

Study


Yeah, yeah, I’m sure we sound like your mom, but honestly, take this time to catch up on classes. Study math, science, hell study the Pitt basketball playbook, because we all know that none of the players looked at it this season. If Durand Johnson would’ve hit the books a little more Pitt could’ve had a successful season.

 

Drink

Homer Simpson once said that alcohol is “the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.” We don’t know about you, but a cartoon character has never steered us in the wrong direction. We’ve even come up with a drinking game: take a shot every time a team that isn’t Pitt scores. Maybe by the time you wake up from your booze coma, Pitt will be better at basketball.

 

Write a Letter to Jamie Dixon

Feeling like you really need to get your aggression out? Nothing is more cathartic than a strongly worded letter to the man in charge. Feel free to finish the one we started:

 

Dear Schmuck,

 

Spend more time coaching your team and less time slicking back your hair to cover your bald spot. You’re still not as big a douche as Jim Boeheim though.

Signed,

 

Everyone at Pitt

 

Root for Another Team

Let’s be honest, you’re going to watch the games, so that means it’s time to swallow your pride and pick another team. It could be an underdog, a Cinderella story, or that school you visited for an hour on the way to your grandma’s house that was giving out free t-shirts. All you need to do now is learn the name of one of their players so you have someone to yell at when they break your heart like Pitt.

 

Now we may be acting a little over dramatic. Pitt did make the NIT, but that’s like ordering a Coke at a restaurant and the waitress asking you if vinegar is ok. No it’s not ok! We want Coke! We want Pitt in the Big Dance! We don’t want March Sadness! Tweet us @BlackSheep_Pitt with a picture of what you’re doing to cope with March Sadness this year.

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