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We Interviewed a Swanson Engineer Whose Major is SO Much Harder Than Yours

We all know how Swanson engineering students feel about their chosen major, but how do they feel about the others? We sat down with a junior Swanson engineer to ask him his opinion on several other options Pitt has to offer. Beyond his initial shock that there were campus organizations not dedicated to engineering, he was happy to give us at The Black Sheep some insight:

7.) English:
“We can’t all be originals, you know? Like, I’m dedicating my life to creating new things and changing the world, so someone else has to read things other people already created and talk about how those things change the world… it’s like, I wish I could just sit around and read Goodnight Moon all the time, but God has called on me to actually do something meaningful. Bless their English hearts, though.”

6.) Education:
“You really have to applaud these guys… they’re getting a degree in teaching brats how to finger-paint but they take it so seriously! If I’m ever hanging around WPU just solving incredible equations or jerking off to Jeff Bezos and I see one of those little rascals, I just tell them to keep up the good work, like one might shout from the car when an overweight person jogs past.”

5.) Psychology:
“The fact that this is considered a science makes me laugh harder than the time someone said women face systemic oppression in STEM fields. Both statements are equally ridiculous! Bottom line, everyone in psychology classes smells like weed and women just need to work harder.”

4.) History:
“These guys are all about memorizing dates and talking about the French Revolution and warning us that based on all prior events, our country is headed into World War 3. It’s like cool, man, then why don’t you step up and become an engineer so you can design weapons? Like, stop screaming about how preventable this is if our leaders could be introspective about our past and grab a screwdriver you fucking nerd.”

3.) Political Science:
“Now these guys are just the worst. I mean, constantly talking about their major, acting like they are the experts on everything, complaining about their workload, talking down to everyone else—it’s seriously ridiculous. Like, look inward. Become self-aware.”

2.) Communications:
“These delicate little flowers are coughing up more than $100,000 to have no discernible skills set. They’re so sweet and optimistic about their job prospects. Whenever I see a communications major, I make sure to throw a dollar at their feet as practice for when they’re sitting homeless on Forbes in a few years. They never seem to appreciate the gesture, even though I assure them that my allowance from Daddy more than covers my charitable inclinations.”

1.) Philosophy:
“Philosophy majors have to complete four years of college just to learn that people are inherently evil. Please. I learned that in the first five seconds of Chemical Engineering 1 when my best friend called the lone girl in our class a fatty and the professor laughed. They’re getting a degree in thinking, but they couldn’t puzzle that one out? Like, just come to Benedum Hall and listen to me and my friends talk. Or join our GroupMe. On second thought, don’t. That didn’t end well for those business majors awhile back who were simply sharing hilarious content, huh?”

Truly enlightening stuff. Not that we’re not already fully aware just how jam-packed an engineer’s schedule is because they never shut the fuck up about it. If you’re rooming with an engineering student or, God forbid, dating one, have a drink on us sometime. You’ve earned it.

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