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Market’s Secret Menu that We Secretly Made


You guys all getting bored of market like we are? Well you’re in luck because we’re about to make market not suck so much! For someone, at least. Whatever the case, try some of this stuff out unless we explicitly say not to, because some things should never have been created. 


Mom Would be Proud




What it is: An omelet of your choice. Put some fries in that bitch and get a slice of pizza of your choice and put that on top or inside of it.


Rating: 3/10, Pretty Shit.


You know how the omelets at market are actually decent? Well the pizza and fries aren’t and if you put those three things together it just kinda sucks. Just leave omelet alone and don’t be dumbasses like we were with this dumb idea.


25 Hour Energy


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What it is: Equal parts OJ, Mountain Dew, and Dark Roast coffee.


Rating: 1/10, Why have you forsaken us?


Do you know what vomit is? If you’ve ever vomited, we’re sure you do. Did you enjoy it? We thought not, so don’t drink this. We totally thought it would be a badass energy boost mixing the best of three worlds: “natural” juice, sodey pop, and some good ol’ fashioned coffee. Well it sucks ass, like we seriously wish it never ever came into our minds.


Shitty Chicken and Waffles




What it is: A waffle, a chicken patty, doused in syrup.


Rating 5/10, Meh.


It’s just chicken and waffles, like it’s sweet and has a waffle and chicken. It’s just shitty. Maybe good for market food, but not our cup of tea.


Breakfast of Champions




What it is:  A bun with ham, eggs, French toast, a hash brown, covered in syrup, with a cookie on top.


Rating: 6/10, is aight.


Kids’ breakfast foods are way too sugary and sweet. Tell that to this thing. It’s only available during weekend brunch due to the necessary ingredients, but it would be a damn good breakfast and nice change from boring ass eggs and bacon.


The Carnivore




What it is: Get a cheeseburger and take the top off, put some ham on there, get a chicken patty and slap that on there, we were lucky enough to get some eggs and a hash brown but those aren’t necessary, just make sure to get some turkey on there too.


Rating: 8/10, ow, my heart.


Do you like meat? Yeah?! We thought so! This thing is right up your alley if you don’t give a shit about your heart or health and you are okay with looking like a total mongoloid while eating a sandwich in a college buffet. It was honestly embarrassing to make, so we would suggest getting your weird friend to do it for you if you really want to try it. But, on second thought, aren’t we all the weird friend?


The Holy Trinity




What it is: A cookie sandwich with a piece of cake and a rice crispie treat in the middle.


Rating: 2/10, Bland as shit but fun and whimsical!


You’d expect this to be good but it’s really boring. Like it tasted like air. It was honestly like a waste of two good cookies. Why do the desserts suck so much? We just want soft serve every day, not 2 days out of the week because it’s always broken.


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