We all know Pittsburgh has been experiencing some sketchy weather at best lately (is it April? Is it January? Will we ever know?). There are bright, sunny days on the horizon, however. We all know how bad we Pitt students get when the temperature rises over 60°, turning Schenley Plaza into a basin of sunbathers and Soldiers and Sailors lawn into a yard game tournament. Sometimes, we even skip classes and other important events in order to bask in the warm rays of the Pennsylvania sun. Imagine, however, a world in which we did not have to skip class in order to experience the beautiful Pittsburgh spring…
English Literature and Theatre Arts:
English Literature and Theatre Arts classes occurring outside would simply be the best of them all. Students and professors would most likely strip down to their underwear, or nothing at all, while running around Flagstaff Hill in homemade flower crowns, waving ribbons above their heads. Or they would splash around in the fountain at Frick Fine Arts, recreating the devastatingly beautiful scene in Hamlet where Ophelia drowns in a pond. Oh, how beautiful and poignant it would be.
Engineering and Mathematics:
If Engineering and Mathematics majors were to have class outside, it would be a lot less beautiful than the previous scene. They would probably be fully clothed, which is always less fun, and would camp out under a pavilion. Unless, of course, they had SPF 50 sunscreen on hand. They would also bring fans and generators, too. Actually, they would most likely just stay inside altogether. Psh, losers.
The true lovers of springtime are always Biology, Geology, and other environmental majors. They would make the most of the blooming weather by collecting samples for research later in the lab. They would fill their pockets with vials of leaves, grass, soil, rocks, and… is that a fucking spider? Are you serious right now? Please get that thing away from us.
Business classes would thrive plenty on a beautiful day in Schenley Plaza. Now is your time, Marketing and Management majors, to really put those skills to the test. You have been #blessed with this endless field of college students laying out in the sun and minding their own business – perfect for some sales practice! These classes would send students out into the field to make commission on pestering poor, unassuming sunbathers on useless products. At the most, these students will learn a ton about real-world business. At the very least, they will annoy the shit out of everyone in the area.
History, Philosophy, and Political Science:
If History, Philosophy, and Political Science classes were held outdoors, not much would happen. Just the usual with those folks, lots of sitting around, smoking weed, and arguing about things that don’t matter. Maybe a walk through historical Squirrel Hill or Lawrenceville is in order, but what really classifies something as historical? Do we really know for sure?
If any other pretty casual Gen Ed was held outside, it would actually be pretty awesome. Picnic blankets on the Cathedral Lawn, discussing interesting class topics, reading books and poetry, some writing, the grass in your toes. Ah, we can only dream. Until that day comes, enjoy sitting in a windowless room in Posvar Hall, contemplating death and counting the days until summer vacation. Happy spring, Panthers!