Winter break at Pitt is just long enough for the cravings to set in, and when cravings hit, there’s only one place that comes to our minds: Sorrento’s. The sacred Mecca of barely any sauce and crappy dough that transforms at midnight into ranchy, steamy, cheap goodness. We went to Sorrento’s and took a good look at ourselves here at The Black Sheep, and found the best things to pair with our beloved pizza while drunk and hungry:
5.) Sorrento’s pizza and ranch sauce:
A lovely cardboard crust pizza with basically glue for cheese and sauce that is literally just canned tomatoes can be paired with a freshly gutter-brewed and thot-buttermilk churned up ranch sauce. It’s almost the only way you can get it down, even when drunk. And you bet your broke ass has enough for the extra $1.50 for ranch there, you just don’t have rent quite figured out yet.
4.) Sorrento’s pizza and a random stranger:
These artisan-crafted, corrugated, burnt masterpieces also go well with some company, usually that thot you met at the party or the random hobo old guy or something. We were there at night and in the daytime (we wanted to see if anyone went) and surprisingly normal, non-drunk people go to Sorrento’s in the daytime. We asked why they like the pizza, and the response from the one older couple was, “It used to be better.” We winked creepily and understood they meant back when they rode their stegosaurus to Sorrento’s when they were drunk back in the day.
3.) Sorrento’s pizza and some grungy bar:
We suggest after sitting in the crummy red seats and trying to figure out in which South Oakland sweaty basement you left your shoes or shirt or best friend at, you wolf down pizza, then exit Sorrento’s and go back to the bar. Might we suggest a dimly-lit bar with pool and darts and a weird hole in its wall (that they have to cover up for the health inspector) that serves famous pickle shots to pair with the odd taste you already have in your mouth from that pizza.
2.) Sorrento’s pizza and some Pitt sewage smell:
Nothing better can happen to you after standing sweatily in line, barely not spilling the ranch (this time) and elbowing your way outside than the assault that is the random Pitt sewage stank. It makes the pizza taste infinitely better because the assault on your sensibilities leaves you wanting anything but the foul odor of a thousand freshman Market shits coursing beneath the streets.
1.) Sorrento’s pizza and American Light:
There are few beers worse than Natural Light, but here in Pittsburgh, there is a rival: American Light. It tastes like lemon juice and skunked beer but like, somehow worse. It continually reminds you that at least the pizza is better than what you’re drinking. We’re moderately certain that a step in making American Light is aging the beer to a ripe skunk-level.
After slamming some pickle shots (or pickles, we have heard some fun stuff about picklenips lately, fun game), either go get another pizza or go the hell home, it’s too flipping cold out here. Even the stray yinzers have stopped filtering around the entrance of Sorrento’s, digging in the overfull trashcan trying to find uneaten slices. But it’s all OK now, we’re all back and ready to inhale Sorrento’s and do like twenty alcohols. So eat up and keep being a piece of trash!
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: