As we’ve said in previous articles, Pitt is old as shit. Don’t tell her we said that though, she’ll get pissed. One thing that comes with age (other than wisdom and wrinkles) are myths, legends, and the like. Since it’s almost Halloween, The Black Sheep has decided to share some ghastly ghost stories about our ol’ alma mater. We advise keeping the lights on, you know, just ‘cause.
A Haunting in Clapp Hall
In case you were unaware, Clapp Hall is the home to Pitt’s biology department, which automatically means that it is where pre-med dreams go to die. Back in the 80s one such student, Johnny McCoy, had such dreams. With a 4.0 in high school and a near perfect score on the SATs, Johnny eagerly awaited to attend Pitt. He found biology tough but interesting, and studied for three days straight in preparation of his first exam. After taking the test Johnny felt on top of the world, telling everyone he met that he had “totally aced it.” On a fateful Friday afternoon, Johnny’s test was handed back to him. He eagerly turned to the back page to check his score. When his eyes spotted the fateful digits, he died from shock, having never scored that low on a test. Johnny’s ghost now wanders the halls of Clapp repeating his horrifying score, “Ceeeeeeeee minusssssss.”
Pumpkin Spice Doom
We all know that at this time of year there’s a pumpkin spice flavor for almost all of our favorite foods. It definitely seems that the fairer sex are the ones who go most crazy, but some obsessions can be taken much too far. A few years back, Liz Turner, a sophomore, decided that all she was going to eat during October was pumpkin spice flavored foods. For the first week and a half, everything seemed normal, but soon her friends noticed some changes. Liz began to spend large amounts of time on Pinterest and Etsy. She wore primarily boots, yoga pants, and ski vests. Everything was “literally the best,” or “literally the worst.” Liz’s friends begged her to stop, but she refused. She started eating so much pumpkin spice that her heart “couldn’t even” and she “literally” died. Rumor has it that at the stroke of midnight, if you say “pumpkin spice” three times in the mirror, Liz will appear and call you a basic bitch.
Too Frat Too Furious
This is the story of Tony Simpson, a member of the pledge class of ’72. Tony was a pretty cool dude and got along great with the elder brothers mainly due to his eagerness to please them. If a brother told Tony to chug he’d say “how long?” On the night before initiation a huge party was thrown on Dithridge. Greek brothers and sisters from all over campus came to throw down and Tony was having the time of his life when tragedy struck. During an elaborate stunt involving a ramp, a skateboard, and a PAT bus, Tony shed his mortal coil. It is said that when the full moon rises over the Cathedral he can be seen on Dithridge chugging Natty Lights, spitting game, and asking the occasional passerby if he can bum a smoke.
We should warn you that these three aren’t the only spooks and specters that hangout in the halls of Pitt. Cathy’s definitely got some supernatural stuff going on in her and who knows how many awkwardly lost virginities haunt Towers? That being said, feel free to share these tales next time you’re sitting around the camp fire or (more likely) getting drunk in your dorm. Happy Halloween and cheers from The Black Sheep.