While our writers at The Black Sheep have been waiting around for Thanksgiving break, we started thinking of all the wonderful things we would be grazing on at that big meal at the end of November. And then half of our dorm-bound writers started relating their dorms to the food and sides of turkey day. Step three of our plan eventually entails covering each of these dorms in their related sides or toppings, but we will save that for while you all are away on break. For now, sit down and enjoy this review of Pitt dorms as thanksgiving dishes.
5.) Lothrop – Some Weird Casserole with Something That Looks Like Potatoes in It:
Lothrop is just a bunch of disconnected people in the same building, which is basically a casserole. You never asked for your long-lost cousin to show up with a weird breaded, potato-filled mystery mush dish in a huge square platter, but now just as Lothropians have to take the bullet and live there, so do you in eating this monstrosity out of courtesy. Both Lothrop and a casserole are just one jumbled breaded mish-mash of ingredients that don’t fit together but were thrown in the oven anyways.
4.) PA, Sutherland, and Panther Halls – Stuffing:
Yeah, these halls are great places to live, but they’re also hard to get to and from, which is just like stuffing, hard to find just the right kind. Some stuffings are too mushy, others too solid, others have weird ingredients, but generally they taste great, if you can find the right type. Coincidentally, walking to these dorms a few times will burn off almost all the calories from the stuffing you ate over Thanksgiving.
3.) Towers – The Gravy:
Towers is full of sweet, innocent, oblivious freshmen who just want to skim the top of things and aren’t too focused on one major yet, just like gravy can go on almost everything. They try a little of this, a little of that, but they’re not quite a main dish or a fully developed side yet. Plus, too much gravy overpowers the rest of the food and too much time in towers lobby can get annoying.
2.) Bouquet – The Cranberry Sauce:
Not too sweet and not too bitter, Bouquet is this middle ground between expensive and independent. You can have parties and do whatever for the most part, but at the same time there’s that bitter kick aftertaste like in cranberry sauce and they hit you with the bill at the end of the semester. And also once you’re in bouquet, you never want to leave, just like once you get past that initial cranberry aftertaste, you want more and more.
1.) Nordenberg – The Turkey:
Yeah we all want a piece, but only the young cute cousins (AKA the freshmen) can have it first. Being the newest and most coveted on-campus dorm for freshmen, Nordy is what we all craved. It’s even colored similarly to turkey, and bears the most prolific and luxurious reputation of campus dorms. But once you had your fill of the turkey on campus, you end up wanting to go take a nap, and there are plenty of places to do that with two lounges a floor and spacious rooms.
So if the pilgrims were ever students at Pitt, this list probably would have helped them in deciding where to go, even though everything you saw in the history books was a lie and the pilgrims never ate any of the food listed above. Whatever the case, do not be alarmed when towers is covered in gravy, upper campus is flooded with stuffing, and Nordenberg is encased in a turkey when you all return, we will help you eat your way out!
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