WOOOO! FOOTBALL! PITT! SPORTS! YEAH! Sorry for yelling, but The Black Sheep is currently hyped about how our Pitt Panthers have been playing this year. This school hasn’t seen a 5-1 start since 2009. To put that in perspective, half of you goons were still in middle school when that happened. And just like you grew up over the last six years, Pitt Football’s acne has cleared, it’s chest hair has come in, and it’s balls have dropped (but not been fumbled). In celebration we were able to secure an interview with the man leading the charge, Coach Pat Narduzzi.
The Black Sheep: Coach, when you inherited this team it was in a bad situation, would you mind sharing the first thoughts you had about coaching Pitt?
Coach Narduzzi: Like you said it was a bad situation. You guys were the Taylor Swift of college football, with coaches leaving you left and right, but without the successful pop songs that follow her break ups. When I went to school at Youngstown State, Pitt was a powerhouse and I wanted to get you guys back to the glory days.
TBS: We certainly appreciate that Coach. What has been the biggest struggle for the team this season?
CN: The Connor injury really set us back. When it happened I renounced my religion because I could not believe that God would allow something so terrible to happen to me. Fortunately, we have some depth at that position, so we barely missed a beat. If that hadn’t happened my next course of action would have been to sacrifice one of the water boys to the voodoo gods for some good juju.
TBS: Interesting, we’re not entirely sure that would have helped, but anything is worth a try. Speaking of good juju, would you like to comment on the #4QUARTERS movement in the Panther Pitt?
CN: (chuckles) I should have seen this one coming. Listen, here’s all I’m going to say: You either stay for four quarters, or (Narduzzi unsheathes a 12 inch hunting knife) I will personally hunt you down and gut you like a fish. No further comments.
TBS: We’ll… we’ll be sure to pass on the word. There’s been a little back and forth battle between Veteran QB Chad Voytik and Newcomer Nathan Peterman. How do you decide who plays each week?
CN: To be honest, every Thursday they play Rock-Paper-Scissors. Whoever wins gets to play on Saturday. Loser has to buy the team ice cream… WITH sprinkles!
TBS: Sounds like a fair system. Kicker Christ Blewitt is infamous for his missed kicks in critical moments do you think that his 56 yarder on Saturday was enough to exorcise those demons?
CN: For sure. Listen, the kid gets flack because of his name. He’s a good kicker and a great young man. If I hear another joke about him I’m going to hunt (Narduzzi begins to brandish hunting knife)
TBS: COACH! COACH! THAT WON’T BE NECESSARY!
(Narduzzi puts knife away)
TBS: Coach, just one last question: what’s your outlook for the rest of the season, especially for the big rivalry game against Notre Dame?
CN: I’m not afraid of any team we have left. We have the talent to not just win, but to destroy our upcoming opponents. As for Notre Dame, I have three words for you: PITT! IS! IT!
(Narduzzi rips open his shirt to reveal a chest tattoo of Roc the Panther devouring a Leprechaun with #PittIsIt above it)