In case the abundance of falling leaves, candy, and a latte of a certain spice completely went over your head, you know that Halloween is this week. What you probably didn’t notice is that this holiday has spiked on the treats, but recessed on the tricks, so The Black Sheep decided to do something about it and take to the streets of campus to scare the living Pitt out of some unsuspecting Panthers.
First off, let’s introduce our scare-meister, Spike McSpookerson. As you can tell he was summoned from the very bowels of hell and totally not purchased at Rite-Aid for a fiver. With Spike in tow, we decided to swing by Towers Lobby. The witching hour was upon us!
3 Spoopy 5 You
In just a short time we had victim number one:
Meh, not that much of a jump. Let’s see how this tall guy will react:
That’s what we’re talking about! That kid ran like a deer. Spike swears he smelled urine, but that’s just the default smell of Towers Lobby.
We decided to move locations and as we headed over to the William Pitt Union we spied an unsuspecting female in the Quad:
Wow, she’s obviously had some unsightly people in her face before because she didn’t jump until Spike got up in her grill. With spirits low, we headed to the WPU elevators. Now we played the waiting game…
After a few dozen rides up and down we had our next victim:
We’re not sure which is more embarrassing, the face this guy makes or the amount of finger in the shot. Either way, we kept on scaring:
At this point Spike was getting discouraged. “People just don’t scare like they used to,” he growled, “I blame vaccines.” While we tried to convince him of the importance of a flu shot, our next victim waited for the elevator of DOOM:
“Finally,” snarled Spike, “a good ol’ fashion scare!” We actually kind of felt bad about this one, but it had nothing to do with the five minute lecture we got from the nice lady in the elevator.
Bored of riding up and down all day, we set our sights on the most iconic spot on campus, Cathy. Perhaps the Panthers prowling about her halls would be more easily spooked:
Nope. We were absolutely wrong. Like yeah, she jumped, but this determined gal barely missed a beat. We’re guessing she had just gotten a test back and was already scared shitless. We tried scaring another girl, but she didn’t even flinch, instead telling Spike that his “boo game is weak.” He excused himself to the bathroom as demon tears streamed down his face. After assuring him that he totally is scary and that his dad doesn’t actually hate him, Spike and the crew headed over to Towers Lobby for one more scare session. Fortunately, on the way we ran into a campus celebrity:
Forget about scaring Pitt students, Gossip Squirrel was no doubt our easiest scare of the evening. Look at her scamper away! It was all in good fun though, we gave her a box of her favorite chocolate covered peanuts.
Minutes later we were set up in Towers Lobby once more for our final round of scares:
This is probably the best delayed reaction we got. Spike was glad that orange didn’t get lobbed at his head. We quickly reset for another:
Another weak one. Come on people! When someone jumps out and grabs you, you’re supposed to run like a child or punch him in the face. Exhausted and ready to descend back to hell, Spike agreed to scare one more person:
YES! Not only was our last victim great (she screamed), but she didn’t drop her phone. We honestly don’t know who would’ve paid for that (not us).
Overall, it was really fun to scare people on campus. Most everyone got a good laugh, no one had a heart attack, and the only injury was Spike’s bruised ego. Thank you to Spike (aka our writer Joe Weidman) for scaring Pitt students and thank you Panthers for getting scared. We also appreciate that no bystanders called the Pitt Police on us, though it might have been the right thing to do.
Here’s to a fun and spooky Halloweekend, Pitt! Cheers!
In Hell, it all tastes like Natty