Don’t let the weather fool you, it’s almost Halloween time here at Pitt, and that means it’s time to start planning costumes, getting pumpkin flavored alcohol, and planning Halloween parties. The warm weather helps with picking a costume, so when you go as that sexy nurse you won’t need a real nurse to treat your very unsexy hypothermia! As for parties, we’ve got you covered with some killer (get it!?) Pitt Halloween party themes! And by killer, we actually mean mood killer because these themes are terrible.
5.) Adult Halloween party:
And not the fun kind of adult. So the Halloween parties happening in Oakland, and the Halloween party your mom is going to are probably going to be very different affairs. But they don’t have to be! With the adult party theme, everyone will show up in a half-assed, hastily assembled costume of either a celebrity from the 1970’s or 80’s or a super recent mainstream trend that adults for some reason love to prove they are knowledgeable about. This year’s popular costumes may include Trump, IT, and the new villain from Star Wars. Most of this party will be spent standing around, making awkward small talk while your significant other goes off and talks with all of their friends.
4.) Christmas on Halloween:
There’s no snow on the ground, it’s not even Thanksgiving, but screw it, let’s have Christmas in October! Everybody wants to have Christmas in July, but why not pick a time of year that’s awkwardly close to Christmas? Not far away enough to merit a random celebration, but not close enough to make it seem reasonable by any stretch of the imagination. Forgo the pumpkin ale for some peppermint schnapps. Replace the fake spider webs with mistletoe. Tell everyone to wear an ugly sweater and get your holiday spirit on!
3.) Dry Halloween:
How about… we all dressed up in weird costumes… paint our faces and go to this party completely sober? At what age is it weird to put on a costume without getting drunk before or shortly after? The scariest part of this theme is how close you might get to realizing how stupid you look when you quickly walk past the one mirror at the party. Flip cup just isn’t the same when you’re using Sprite.
2.) Pitt Football Halloween:
Sorry, we had to. Another loss in the books for our boys in blue and gold, and we’re not sure when the next one’s coming. We beat up on you guys a lot, but its just so easy. For this party theme, you can all dress up as Pitt athletes! But don’t let the costumes fool you, the ones with the legitimate looks of dejection and sadness on their faces are the real athletes, easily distinguishable from some random guy who goes to the gym wearing a Pitt football jersey.
1.) Penn State Halloween:
Maybe we can all act like idiots, talk about the creamery for hours on end, and continue to complain about not making the college football playoff for a night, pretending we’re those dunces from State College, and while you’re at it maybe you can explain how amazing high school was and how it was the peak of your life even though somehow Penn State is still so amazing.
Don’t try any of these at home. But if you do, please invite us so we can come laugh at you and get free drinks!