On January 26th, the admissions office at Pitt’s School of Law sent out hundreds of acceptance letters. Hundreds of worrying seniors felt their phones vibrate and upon opening that congratulatory email on their acceptance, they exalted in happiness, flipped off their literature professor speaking Shakespearian nonsense and ran out of the classroom on the overwhelming high of being accepted into the law school. There was only one problem: the email was an accident.
One of the four admissions workers screwed the pooch and sent out an acceptance email to around 500 prospective students. However, that was not where this story ends. Upon receiving the email and subsequently finding out that the email was sent accidentally, senior Derek Decorum had a few feelings he needed to sort out. We caught up with him to discuss what exactly happened.
The Black Sheep: Hey Derek, thank you so much for talking with us this afternoon. I know the wound is still fresh.
Derek Decorum: Fresh as that panther meat at Market, am I right? Anyway, it’s all right. I hope I can answer some questions for you.
TBS: Of course! So I guess first off, can you give us a recap of what-
Derek: FUCK ADMISSIONS.
TBS: Oh… ok that’s fair.
Derek: There are little mistakes and big mistakes. I like to think of little mistakes as when I forget to add Panther Funds before doing laundry. Big mistakes usually are oversleeping a class or confusing the dates on the midterm schedule. Then there are the mistakes that make you feel some type of way. Emailgate, as I call it, is like Pitt taking a shit on your chest. Seriously, the School of Law can take its acceptance letter, putt some coleslaw and fries on it and shove it where the sun don’t shine. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I thought I shit a brick yesterday when to busses to upper campus stopped running due to “inclement weather.” INCLEMENT WEATHER MY ASS! That bitch-ass 10A driver is from Pittsburgh, if he’s not able to make up the hill then his Yinz Card better be revoked… Sorry I just blacked out, where was I?
TBS: Something about Emailgate?
Derek: Emailgate. It’s so dumb. I want payback. I suffered emotional damage, I was in the middle of a lecture when I got the email — I got up, farted loudly, and told 200 people to “suck it, I’m going to law school bitches.” They expect me to go back to that class? … Come to think of it, 3 other people in that class did the same thing.
TBS: Well, when were you supposed to hear from admissions?
Derek: The admission acceptance/rejection letters were promised by early January. Now, it’s almost the end of the month and I’m still in purgatory between undergraduate education and having a successful future in sight. I’m just sitting here with my thumb up my butt, waiting to either go to law school or fruitlessly see if the Google search “English major + jobs” brings up any new results. Let me explain exactly how this whole thing feels. Do you remember the Syracuse game from last year?
Derek: Ok, so before Tyler Ennis’ buzzer beater is where I was before the email. I was hype AF in the stands waiting for Pitt to meet my expectations for once. I thought, “up by 1 with a few seconds, I’ll give it up to the Pitt Gods and trust those research-loving, coleslaw-eating, Polio-curing bastards.” The shot goes up. As it sinks, I find out that the acceptance email that I got from the Director of Admissions was a fucking “accident,” and I go quiet. Basically, I started at the top of my game only for Pitt’s incompetence to shoot me directly down into the ground.
TBS: If you could sum up all the emotions you have in one statement, what would it be?
Derek: I guess, never totally trust the shit you read on email. I mean what else do you expect from a university that chose Pepsi as its campus soda and not Coke. Rookies.
If you were one of the hundreds of law school applicants that were blue balled by this unfortunate, probably-drunken mistake on the part of admissions, email us your feelings at PittLawSucks@TheBlackSheepOnline. It’ll be good to get it off your chest, and maybe we’ll publish the best rants.