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Things We Wish Pitt Would Pumpkin Spice

 

It’s pumpkin spice time boys and white girls. And this year, the pumpkin patch is getting bigger. The Black Sheep knows you sit at home daily and ask yourself one enduring question: can I pumpkin spice that? We know, its frustrating when you dress up in your Uggs and leggings and north face vests and show up to a campus eatery and they don’t have what you crave, that orange-brownish pumpkin spice goodness. So The Black Sheep went around campus and found the best pumpkin spice-able items sold in market, the perch, and the other on-campus eateries and gathered them here for your Starbucks fueled petition to the world.

 

5.) Pumpkin Spiced Pizza Hut Cinna-Stix:
Yeah, that’s right. Going to Pizza Hut and getting these rare sticks of trans-fats is a treat, but what if they pumpkin spiced them? You would practically be in the field with Linus, awaiting the Great Pumpkin (who will inevitably come, just you wait) to arrive. Your taste buds would be screaming things like ‘YAAAAAS’ and ‘OMGEAAAAY.’

 

4.) Pumpkin Spice Stir Fry:
Market would jump to a whole new level-nay-a few new levels if they came up with some way to pumpkin spice a stir fry. That place would go from diarrhea to mama mia in like 5 seconds flat. The line to get in would go all the way up the stairwells of towers. The place would be running 24/7, chalk full of wide-eyed pasty faced brunettes running around like animals.

 

3.) Pumpkin Spice Beer:
They started selling beer to students at the games. This means almost invariably that we need to pumpkin spice that. Beer and pumpkins and white girls would have a crazy good time together, incoherently cheering for Pitt to beat…wait…who are we playing?

 

2.) Pumpkin Spice Smoothie:
If you have never been to Nicola’s Garden in the bottom of the WPU for a smoothie, be prepared for a wild, wild ride. Their smoothies are huge and legendary. There is nothing to perk you up more and help you get those sweet gainz than a Nicola’s Garden Smoothie. And if they pumpkin-spiced it? Thee place would get renamed the Uggs-North face-Lululemon Garden.

 

1.)  The Pumpkin Spiced Latte:
Yeah, it dosen’t seem that any of the coffee places around campus sell it. As a white girl in my class put it, “what the ferk are they doing OMG?” C’mon Pitt. Literally the biggest seller in Starbucks history doesn’t appear on most coffee places’ menus? That’s like not seeing Steve Harvey on daytime TV. That’s like a pair of leggings with no boots. That’s like Will Ferrell without the curly hair. That’s like a vest with no skin tight turtleneck striped shirt. It’s blasphemy.

 

So we urge you to try to pumpkin spice as much as possible, so campus can become one big pumpkin patch. And then the Great Pumpkin will come and solve all our midterm-related low GPA problems.

 

 

Is there actual crack in Pumpkin Spice Lattes? Or is it something else?

 
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