Some majors just do not get any love, especially in the real world. That place where people earn money and get married and walk around and dress up and stuff, yeah that’s the real world. And while some of Pitt’s grads have wonderful careers to look forward to, the Philosophy of Art majors have mostly a fancy piece of paper to look forward to. More and more are simply grabbing their fancy sealed parchment from Pitt’s registrar and finding inventive ways to use it. Here are a few:
10.) As a Canvas for an Artist’s First Piece:
Yeah remember all those pictures painted in only shades of blue? Yeah that was on a college degree. He got a bachelors in sadness and being broke.
9.) As a Shingle:
A more inventive fix to a leaky roof that can’t be fixed because its occupants barely have an income is to simply shove Pitt’s seal up the hole on the roof. Maybe the fancy paper is waterproof.
8.) Toilet Paper:
It could be a bit rough, but not rougher than the job market. And it mimics what essays were written to obtain the degree, a high caliber of making things up that immediately then got flushed down the drain.
7.) A Plate:
Want an artsy way to set off Ramen in a hopelessly single apartment? Serve yourself up some grub on that sweet Pitt seal. Added points if used similar to a bread bowl with soup.
6.) A Paper Airplane:
Toss it off somewhere high and see how far it flies. Or, if the graduate moves on past their Bachelor’s, simply use it in class during a try at a PhD, Masters, or any other craziness after 4 years of college.
5.) A Hat:
Make one of those cool sailor hats or something. Nobody knows how to make them, but they sure look cool for like 5 seconds.
4.) To Print Counterfeit Money:
Sometimes crooks run out of paper to print fake 20’s on. So why not use the degree? They’ll be in jail anyway.
3.) To Make a Paper Snowflake:
It gets cold sometimes. Sometimes to make the best of it, paper snowflakes must be made. Too bad they have all this writing on the degree, snowflakes are supposed to be all white.
2.) As Copier Paper:
What better to print out your eviction notice or parking ticket on than the back of the degree?
1.) As A Napkin:
We know Primanti’s gets messy sometimes. Make sure to clean up using the seal’s veritas virtus motto of course.
There are many other ways to use parchment, so get creative. Make those Chinese water bombs or do something you saw on Etsy, those always turn out well right? Make some origami or something. Make Pitt proud, at least in your handling of it’s finest accolades, a bachelor’s degree in Not Getting A Job Immediately And Panicking.
Who really even cares about Homecoming?