Pitt is an old university, with many secrets and hidden histories. We here at The Black Sheep have written to you about ghosts, Pitt conspiracy theories, and have made more drinking references than a freshman meeting his first frat bro. Today, we come to you with the most in-depth, shocking, hard-hitting investigative journalism you’ve ever seen. That’s right. This is Pitt’s Top 5 Secret Societies.
5.) The Rhianna Appreciation Club:
Okay, so we know you’ve heard about the Beyonce Appreciation and Humanitarian club we have here on campus, but there’s a good reason you’ve never heard of the Rhianna Club until now. Where Queen Bey’s club focuses on doing humanitarian work around campus, RhiRhi’s Group of Bad Girls is dedicated to one thing, and one thing only: getting your money back. Remember that time you totally thought your friend forgot to pay you back for pizza, until like three weeks later when they bought your coffee for you? Yeah, RhiRhi’s BBHMM Club definitely… spoke to them about that incident.
Level of Secret: 3/10 Sheep
4.) The Jesus Hot Dogs Student Alliance:
If you’ve ever been drunk in South O, you know that the main highlight of anyone’s night is food. Most prefer to ruin their friendships by splitting into the Sorrento’s VS Antoons Tribes, but deep in the hallows of our beloved Oakland, there is a secret society determined to do one thing—save the souls of drunk students by giving them free hot dogs and telling them about Jesus. Do you relish our Lord and Savior?
Level of Secret: 4/10 Sheep
3.) The Cathedral Club:
Dude, this totally isn’t what it looks like. We promise. We’ve ALL heard of what we think is the Cathedral Club, which is where a pair of Panthers get nasty in our favorite academic building. But, that’s not very secret, and is actually an incredibly clever cover story for the REAL Cathedral Club…which, you guessed it: it’s Pitt’s Lizard People Community. Headed up by our very own Chancellor Gallagator, this group…well, we’re not actually even sure what they do. Keep the campus cricket population down?
Level of Secret: 6/10 Sheep
2.) Delta Nu:
This secret sorority is rumored to have been founded at Harvard, and recruits strong young women who are passionate about making the world a better place. It is Pitt’s more elusive pre-law organization, and is only open to undergraduate women. Members can sometimes be identified by their penchant for pink, and Hillary Clinton is totally a member (just not at the Pitt Chapter.)
Level of Secret: 8/10 Sheep
1.) The Pitt Druids:
Oh, The Pitt Druids. Once hailed as a great organization that helped the greater Oakland area, they have been underground for the past few years after a major scandal. It was revealed in early 2013 that the majority of SGB was, in fact, a Druid, along with a reporter for The Pitt News. The reporter was promptly fired. The Druids are also known for the cheerfully creepy Christmas card they sent to student groups, as well as for their really crappy Twitter that hasn’t been updated in forever.
They have been underground in recent years, while whispers can be heard…if you know who to listen to. No one quite seems to know how to join them, but a source (who, this time, surprisingly wasn’t Gossip Squirrel) told us that for a student to be asked to join, they must hold two or more leadership positions on campus. For example, being on the board of a fraternity and also sitting on SGB would definitely qualify a member. Why would an organization like this just fall off the face of the university? Or is it all a ruse, to continue their secret doings behind our backs?
Level of Secret: 10/10 Sheep
There you have it Panthers. Our top five secret societies here at Pitt. Look around you, because you never know when you might be sitting next to someone who secretly drinks pig’s blood while dancing naked on the Cathedral Lawn.