It’s overpriced, it loses prestige with each loss of our football and eventually our basketball team, and you can get it almost anywhere on campus if you try hard enough: Pitt shit. Yeah, from bucket hats to little weird orange Roc hats, to bobbleheads (recently), to thongs (We’re sure they’re out there), Pitt gear is, only on campus, proliferate. Here are a few items you could be based on personality, or you just need to hand over one year’s salary and buy for yourself:
6.) The Pitt bucket hat:You’re kind of fratty, or at least cringy, and have a lot of money ($35 for a hat? Really?). Usually, you see this earlier in the season when the Panthers haven’t yet proven once again they can’t hang with the big boys. Every now and then you’ll see a more tasteful and less loud bucket hat that doesn’t have Pitt on every square inch (we get it, you like the script) and we salute these members.
5.) The Pitt beanie:
You’re a cozy dude/gal and enjoy pom-poms, but still like to buy expensive hats. Plus, you’re more practical since bucket hats aren’t really a Pittsburgh thing. It’s cold here people. So at least whatever your major is has taught you some common sense.
4.) The Pitt wine glass/mug/tankard:
You like drinks with drugs in them or are just buying these for your parents to try and somehow make up the tuition they’re paying for you. You may also be pleasantly surprised by the fact that after a few washes, the Pitt logo comes right off because they’re cheaply made. Just in time for when you don’t want to be seen drinking to forget the most recent loss.
3.) Anything block letter:
You just like Pitt, but don’t have all that cash to update to the script. But everyone likes the hell out of script, so you should probably switch soon. You really don’t care if people just make fun of your old stuff which really isn’t that old. Just you wait. In ten years, they will switch back to block letters and then you’ll show them.
2.) Retro Pitt gear:
You’re too preppy and ya need to stop. We get it, you have a very limited understanding of Dan Marino and Tony Dorsett. You say, “Don’t those retro uniforms look so fresh?” like every ten seconds. After a while though, that tacky bright yellow and blue really start to mirror how tacky and trite our “#4quarters” or “#pantherfootball” posts look.
1.) The plain old gray block letter t-shirt you got on the campus tour as a high school senior:
This one is an oldie but a goodie, just like the people who wear them. It/they have been there when you came home and took all your clothes off drunk and needed an old t-shirt. It’s helped you when you needed to paint your friend’s door and needed something to get dirty. It’s helped you when you’re so hot and you sweat through your other shirts. It’s the ride or die.
All this Pitt gear’s also a reason to hate Penn State more because in every Kmart and Wal-Mart, and even freaking drug stores, you can find some dumb “WE ARE… (idiots)” shirt or mug or beaver stadium locker room “soap” (yep, we went there). Across the state you can find all of this, but what about the other huge state-funded school, Pitt? No? Ok honestly, we don’t really need that to be better or smarter than you.