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7 Fool-Proof Methods to Win Over Your Pitt Professor After Midterms

 

So your midterm grades came back and they may or may not be what you expected, but you can admit one thing- they’re bad.  We’ve all been there.  Thankfully, there is a way to give yourself some wiggle room in case your final exam goes less than perfect too.  From us here at The Black Sheep, here’s some tips on how to get on your professor’s good side.

 

7.)  Check Your Phone Constantly During Class:
This one works if you sit in the front, back, wherever!  Just make sure you’re on your phone for long periods of time, and right in the middle of the most important parts of lecture.  Your professor is sure to think that you’re just looking up material relevant to what they’re saying.  What an invested student you are are!

 

6.) Show Up To Office Hours… Outside of Office Hours:
Your questions about this subject are just so burning that they can’t go unanswered.  And you just can’t take no for an answer, even if they try to turn you away.  And make sure you have a really basic question lined up too, for example: “What is the atomic number of hydrogen?”  is a perfect question for your OChem professor.  It’s simple and easy to answer, and leaves lots of time open for further bonding.  Slide right from that into “What’s your number?” and let the conversation flow

 

5.) Treat Your Professors Like They’re Your Friends:
Invite your OChem professor to your kegger on Saturday.  All your friends will love having the professor
of their most difficult class watching them get drunk.  But don’t just stop at parties, invite your Women’s Studies professor to go to a Milo Yiannopoulus talk.  Invite your conservative professor to a Black Lives Matter march.  It shows you’re really invested in them as a person and in their beliefs!

 

4.) Make Sure To Engage Their Ideas:
There’s nothing better in a female professor’s life than when a male student re-explains a concept back to the class.  Especially if it’s feminist theory.  Or whenever a student gives a mystical explanation for a basic concept in a science class.  Bring creationist and flat earth ideas into your physics class.  Professors love class participation, right?

 

3.) Hack their Accounts to Give Personalized Gifts:
Apples are for the kindergarten teacher your mom has known since her high school days.  Hack into your professor’s computers and find what’s being suggestively sold to them.  They’ll really appreciate you buying that lingerie set for them, or getting them tickets for that cruise during spring break (you’ll be joining them, of course!) so they can relax.  If all else fails, a bottle of liquor works.  Even better if it’s coming from a freshman.

 

2.) Do Some Extra Credit:
Do.  That’s an innuendo.  You get what we mean.

 

1.) If All Else Fails, Try The TA:
Perhaps your professor is unwilling to accept any of your attempts to form a bond, and any sexual advances you put forward.  Your next best bet is to start all over, but with your TA.  They’re lonely, old, and stressed.  They’ll enjoy the attention your teacher so rudely rejected.

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