After a month of sitting on your butt and drinking beer in your parents’ basement, returning to West Lafayette – the rigors of academia and drinking beer in your friends’ basement – is always a disappointment. Don’t fret, The Black Sheep has come up with 12 tips to make 2nd semester better than the first!
Start off the Semester by Sitting Next to that Cute Girl (or Guy) in Class: Don’t actually talk to her, just tell your friends you sit next to the hottest girl in engineering (note: there aren’t any). At the end of the semester finally ask for her number, she’ll say she has a boyfriend and you’ll never have to talk to a woman again.
Study for Classes Using Trivia Crack: It’s the new fun way to learn ALL the material for your classes and compete with your friends! You can surely get that A in BIO 204. You won’t need your books either, you have Trivia Crack.
Find a Good Place to Study on Break: For example, Brother’s! They have food, music, and booze!
Do the Booze: More booze will help liven up your life and forget all your bad exams. You wouldn’t be getting your true college experience if you didn’t show up to class drunk at least twice.
Lots of Coffee: Coffee will make your body feel like you never stayed up until 3a.m. Grey House is a great place to get a refreshing cup and study and shit like that. There are tons of hot girls there, too.
Read The Black Sheep: The Black Sheep will help give you that much-need comedic relief to get you through the day. Hah, jokes! Oh boy, that was funny.
Play in the Snow: Why go to class when you can just make a snow angel, build a giant snow penis in the middle of the Mall, or throw snowballs at your fluids professor because he gave you an F.
Find Your Home for Next Year: This is always very exciting, finding a new place to live other than the dorms. It’ll be like living at home! You should even have your parents come stay with you, they can continue to pay for your housing and make you dinner. Just don’t forget to put the sock on your bedroom door.
Use Birth Control: Nobody wants to get pregnant or get someone pregnant, that’ll put a real damper on the semester. Be extra cautious: double your dosage of the pill and wear two condoms.
Netflix: Don’t actually leave your dorm. Friends is on Netflix, what are you, stupid?
Burn Your Books: Last semester you learned you never really needed those Atlas of Histology or STAT 301 books, so you’re better off just burning them. Get all Nazi on that shit. It’s cold out and you need warmth.
Drop Out: Become a barista, grow a pony tail and blog shit about how college just wasn’t for you. The best way to make 2nd semester better is to just not have one!
Your semester will inevitably go however you make it out to be. Hopefully you follow these tips, especially the last one, to make it through this one better than the first. Have a great second semester you all and don’t forget C’s get degrees.