IU fans throughout the state of Indiana just can’t catch a break in the sports department, as Purdue consistently crushes them in both football and basketball rankings. As you go home to your families over break, here are 5 ways to watch your Purdue Boilermakers bring home even more wins.
5.) With a 12-Pack of Coors and Your Alcoholic Uncle:
Sure, your uncle went to IU, but given the fact that he starts boozin’ at 8:00 a.m. every weekday and is too drunk to tell his own kids apart by noon, he won’t even recognize he’s watching the rival of his alma mater until it’s too late. By the end of the half, you’ll have him slurring, “Boiler Up!” and wishing he went to a school that didn’t lead him into a minor cocaine addiction and land him a job as a janitor.
4.) As a Stand-In IU Fan:
In the spirit of the holidays, it’s important to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and think about all the things we have to be thankful for. Learn what it feels like to be a huge loser as you role-play your Purdue game-watching experience as that kid from high school who ridiculed you for going to Purdue, but who, as an IU student, is now facing Greek life suspension until February and a basketball team who literally lost to Indiana State. If it gets too unbearable, don’t worry — you can switch back into your Purdue gear at any time.
3.) White Girl Wasted at Your Local BDubs:
After a few too many fruity cocktails, you suddenly find yourself doing motivational laps around the restaurant, fist-bumping old people and small children with honey barbecue smeared all over your face. You would’ve invited some of your friends from high school to tag along, but you didn’t have any because high school sucked. It ends up working out for the best, though, because now you have a friend in the old guy in the corner barstool who looks a little like Santa and who smells like beef and cheese.
2.) Belligerently Drunk at A Family Gathering:
Is grandma asking you when you’re going to get yourself a boyfriend? Is your cousin twice removed trying to convince you of what a hardass he was in college? Are people asking you about your future, as if you have any of your shit together? The best distraction that we can think of is lots of peppermint schnapps and a whole lot of Boilermaker wins. As soon as your grandma starts to open her mouth, just cover her face with your hand and bury your eyeballs into the TV screen.
1.) Just Go to The Game:
Christmas presents are hard to buy, so why not impress your parents by organizing a little family field trip to Mackey? Sure, you haven’t taken a family trip since your brother blew a snot rocket at your sister in the car, prompting your sister to throat-punch your brother and your dog to nervous-shit all over the car’s upholstery, but everyone’s older and wiser now. What could go wrong? There’s nothing like watching a Boilermaker win at home in an atmosphere as electric as Mackey.
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