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6 Things Purdue Freshmen Will Never Know About Purdue

It’s only natural for ignorance to follow freshmen. As time passes, they’ll learn about Purdue fountain runs, Den Pops, and raving preachers, but just like only 90s kids will know about Hey Arnold! and Tamagotchis, there are just some things freshmen will never know about the home of the Boilermakers.

6.) Life Without Cisco Quarantine:
Do you get tired of having important emails go to spam? Well somehow, Purdue has adopted software that automatically sends literally every e-mail to that delicious inbox with Cisco Quarantine. Poor freshmen will never know the ease of simply hearing a “bing” in their inbox when a professor messages them. Instead, they’ll get 12 e-mails a day from Cisco, and have to go through a 132-step process to retrieve the e-mails that are important.

5.) Von’s Dough Shack:
Freshmen walking down to Chauncey may have noticed the gutted building across from Brothers and Amused, but what they will never know is that it used to be Von’s Dough Shack. Now, famous local pasta and calzones will be traded in for a JJ’s chain sandwich joint that’ll be delivered freaky fast in the middle of a class lecture. What will the line of local Von’s stores be without that place?

4.) 24 Hours of Hicks:
The new Learning Center is new to everyone on Purdue. But what freshmen will never know is that 6 libraries were closed and moved into this brand-new building. Not only that, Hicks Undergraduate Library used to be the 24/7 hotspot, but now the torch has been passed to WALC. So, while Hicks sits in its corner with limited spotlight, freshmen can walk past the raving preacher and coast right into WALC to make it their new cramming home.

3.) Life Without Construction:
Whether or not John Purdue really had the dying wish to have at least 10% of campus under construction at all times, it sure feels real to us. These new freshmen will never know life without detours and random “Do Not Enter” signs. They’ll find themselves frustrated when they step into a hole that wasn’t there yesterday.

2.) 2016’s Clown Mania:
From satanic clown masks to the terrifying joker smiles, freshmen will never experience the rain of clowns that swept Purdue’s campus October of 2016 — at least, we hope they won’t. People in clown attire were found in dorms that brought the men in blue on the scene, arresting anyone with a clown mask, or any poor soul who happened to have green hair and look like the joker.

1.) The Fountain by the Bell Tower:
Purdue’s fountain run is a glorious tradition that gives anyone who wants to show skin a chance to show off their Bruce Lee muscles or flabby freshman fifteen bellies. But what freshmen will never know is that one of the fountains has recently been put back on the list. Construction prevented us Boilermakers from completing the tradition, while there was only green slosh to admire. But now, freshmen will never know the turmoil of an incomplete fountain run.

There are so many things new students won’t ever discover about Purdue, but their knowledge grows with every day they spend on black and gold soil. Don’t worry — they’ll learn when they’re older.

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