Purdue junior, Janie Santana is one of the university’s frequent users of Bird scooters. At first, she found them to be annoying, but now she feels that along with easy transportation they can provide students with a great deal of nostalgia.
“You know those new Bird scooters?” Santana stated, “I hit the back of my ankle getting off one the other day and man did it suck. It felt like being shot, but it reminded me of third grade,” commented Santana. “Now I do it once a day to remind me of a simpler time, ’cause god college is fucking hard.”
Although some people believe that the scooters are a plague on our campus, it’s clear that Santana is one of the many who feels they can be extremely helpful.
“They’re a stress reliever, convenient, and remind me of that time my brother fell face first off a scooter going down and hill and got a concussion, lol,” commented Natalie Grober.
Other students have started using this technique as a method to deal with their crippling self-doubt.
“I just feel better than everyone when I scoot around campus, ya know?” explained self-proclaimed sad boy, Isaac John, “it’s honestly such an ego boost. Like, bye have fun walking on your dumb LEGS losers. Catch me banging my ankles and remembering that one time my mom yelled at me for bringing a toad into the house.”
Others who have noticed the spike in this behavior are confused and concerned for their peers (kind of).
“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of,” said super senior Carl Mags. “Your ankles are covered in blood all because you’re feeling sad and you want to remember happier times? Go drink a beer, nerd.”
Although Bird scooters are a bit of a nuisance, it seems they are at Purdue to stay. And with every ankle banged, students apparently feel a little bit better about the fact that they’re failing at least three classes.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.