The timeless tradition of college football is here once again, and students across the country are swarming to their stadiums to cheer on their beloved teams. However, one man is doing more than crossing his fingers in hopes for a win, and may even be so far as to have his football classmates wrapped around his little finger.
Meet Thomas Gerkins, a college senior and football enthusiast.
“Yeah, you could say I like the game,” Gerkins said with a smirk. “I’ve been to every home game since I was a freshman, and away games whenever I can convince my Nana to drive me.”
Thomas’ current roommate, Jeremy Evans, gave The Black Sheep an inside look into Thomas’ pregame ritual.
“I don’t know how much longer I can stand it,” Jeremy said, rubbing his eyes. “He makes us all sit down in the living room—when we all are just trying to pregame and have a good time—and he scribbles shitty predictions about the game like a madman. He writes things like ‘Someone will score a goal’ or ‘The ball will be thrown more than 7 times.’ Uh, no shit, Gerkins. But one time, I said ‘I bet E.T.’s not going to fly into the stadium on a bike and give everybody Krispy Kreme donuts,’ and you shoulda seen his face,” Jeremy recalled. “I lock my door at night now.”
Thomas is not only faithful to attending the football games, but also to a certain area of the stadium itself.
“I must be at the top bleacher,” Thomas explains. “This way I can see all my boys at once. Not like I don’t know what’s going to happen, but just so I can make sure everything goes as planned.”
Some of Thomas’ fellow classmates have had the privilege of seeing him in his element live during a game.
“We always pregame too hard and get into the game after kickoff, so we have to walk all the way up to the top bleachers,” Junior Cassidy Clemens explained. “Then Sargent Mumbles is standing there—by himself—whispering things like ‘come on boys,’ and ‘watch out behind you Jeffrey.’ It’s a total buzzkill.”
While some may not appreciate his talent, Thomas never forgets where he stands.
“You see this jersey?” Thomas asked us, pointing at his current apparel. “It says ‘Gerkins, No. 1.’ Looks exactly like our team’s. One time, our quarterback was on the homecoming float, and he made direct eye contact with me and held up a number 1.” Thomas smiled. “They know. They all know.”
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