Connect with us
Connect with us


UNCC Student Finds More Ways To Tell Girlfriend Her Major Is Shit


For the past two years UNCC student Harris Matthews has been trying desperately to convince his long-time girlfriend Tara Hart to switch her major. Matthews, an accounting student, said that his girlfriend’s art major “just won’t cut it in the real world,” citing the fact that, “she can barely draw a fucking stick figure, let alone anything worthwhile.”


“Trust me, I love this girl,” Matthews told us. “That’s the only reason I’m trying so hard to convince her to change. I mean, art major? Seriously? Even if she was good at it, which she is not, how much money can you really make with that kind of degree?”


Tara, however, is adamant in her academic choice. “Okay, so he says I’m bad at art, but isn’t school for learning?”


Citing the scarce examples of anything remotely artsy on campus, like the abstract, shitty sculptures, occasional vulgar graffiti, or campus Starbucks, which even lacks hipsters, Tara claimed “What better place for an artist to be than UNCC? It’s not like he was always good with numbers and shit, right?”


“Harris has always been good with numbers,” Matthew and Tara’s mutual friend, Erin Thornton confirmed. “Tara, on the other hand, was always a whiz when it came to science. We were sure she would major in bio or chem, but when we got here she declared herself an art major.”


Matthews said he was against the choice from the beginning. “Look, I’m all for creative expression. But Tara just can’t art. I don’t know how to say that any nicer.”


While at first just simply mentioning it offhand or casually in conversation, Matthews eventually resorted to bluntly telling her how he felt at every possible opportunity. “Initially, I was really hurt,” Hart said. “I still am, but at this point I just have to ignore him. I’m sure when Picasso was starting out people told him he was no good, too.”


“Did she bring up the Picasso thing again?” Matthews said when asked about his opinion of talent. “Christ. Have you seen his art from when he was a kid? Dude was a fucking savant. I know more about famous artists than she does, and she claims to be the artsy one.”


Matthews has gotten the support of his friends, as well as the majority of Hart’s, in his endeavor to change his girlfriend’s career path. “No one wants her to do this,” he said. “I talked to her parents for 45 minutes on the phone the other day just about how we were going to convince her to change her mind. Right now, they’re planning on bribing her with a trip to Italy over spring break, but I’m nervous she’ll just see more art there and get ‘inspired’ or whatever the fuck.”


Hart claims her sudden love of art was always there. “I was just lowkey about it in high school, but, like, art’s always been my passion. I used to doodle on my notes all the time in class.”


Despite the adversity, Matthews hasn’t given up on his mission. “There’s still time- we just started junior year. She could still switch and graduate only a year after me. I’ve just gotta get more serious.” After the interview, Matthews planned to hire a sky writer to display the message “GIVE IT UP, TARA” over the school for 48 hours.


Continue Reading

More from Satire

To Top