Connect with us
Connect with us

Satire

Widespread Outbreak of Resting Bitch Face Sweeps through UNCC

 

We all have that one friend or two who, despite being a really nice person, walks around with a look on their face they implies they’re might just ring your neck if you try to talk to them. Picture thousands of people with that problem, all interacting (or rather not interacting) with each other. Feel the intimidation of being terrified to approach a stranger or ever try to make new friends. Actually, wait, there’s no need to imagine: this nightmarish reality is your life. Welcome to UNCC!

 

Plagued by the epidemic of Resting Bitch Face (RFB), the UNCC population suffers indefinitely from this debilitating condition. It’s a little known fact that RBF is highly contagious, and can be contracted a number of ways. Though the disease is mainly transferred through the exchange of really awkward eye contact. If you look at somebody and think to yourself, “Wow, that girl looks like she’ll punch me in the throat if I even think about talking to you,” then there’s a high chance that you now have it too and people are now thinking the same thing about you.

 

The only known cure of RBF is to muster up the bravery to approach somebody else with who has it and discover that they in fact do not want to rip your arms off and shit down your throat. Though it seems like a simple solution of which one would assume could eradicate the disease completely, people at this school just do not want to speak to one another.

 

That isn’t exaggerating by the way. People at this school are super antisocial. Anybody who goes on Yik Yak knows that, in addition to the mega racist shit, people are searching for friends, complaining how they don’t have any, or announcing to the world that there is a pretty girl somewhere or another and they have not the capabilities to talk to her.

 

This social ineptitude can only be described as a major effect brought on by the widespread RBF. Nobody is making any friends or getting romantically involved because every other person who see has this look on their face like you just killed their entire family and that they have sworn everlasting vengeance on you; not resting until they amassed enough power to kill in the most violent way possible.      

 

Continue Reading

More from Satire

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top