The last day of October used to just be a fun day when you got to harass your neighbors until they gave you candy to make you leave, but now in college it’s turned into a major responsibility. If you plan on being seen past 6 p.m. on Halloween you better have a costume, and a damn good one at that. If your entire costume comes in an air-tight bag, go ahead and throw it out and start over. For the brave soul who thinks he can pull off a last minute costume, we have a few tips to help guide your decision.
Movie Characters: The best movie costumes come from terrible movies. Wear pajamas and eat pie straight out of the pan because you’re Melissa McCarthy in whatever movie just came out about her being funny because she’s fat and doesn’t care anymore. Or wear your most expensive suit out and ask everyone for money all night because you’re Zach Braff on Kickstarter. Or change like ten times throughout the night to satirically portray all the characters Ethan Hawke has played in the last year alone.
Musicians: This year the most likely costume will be Iggy Azalea of “Fancy” fame. Well, if you’re a girl you might find that on our list of “Top Ten Basic Girl Costumes.” However, if you’re a guy you’ve got the green light for this costume. Cross-dressing is a really funny concept as long as it’s done to the proper extent: too much and you’re the weird guy, but just right and you might have the best costume of all the guys at any given Fort party.
Television Figures: Everyone will love any costume you come up with from the ol’ flashing sound box, just as long as it’s from the commercials instead of the shows themselves. Commercials are so much more frequent that there’s no shortage of potential costumes. Are you skinny and goofy looking? Wear and do whatever’s comfortable like the guy in the Southern Comfort commercial. Maybe you’re a girl with dark hair; stick on a nametag and you’re Flo from Progressive Insurance. Or, if you have no specific body type at all, say you’re a guy from the “First Kiss” advertisement and go around getting a first kiss from as many people as possible.
Current Events: We live in pretty exciting times, with so many things happening in the world for you to parody through costume. So many institutions deserve ridicule for their actions in the past year. Take the NFL for example: you could dress up like Roger Goodell and dodge any questions anyone asks you all night. Make fun of people’s irrational fears and dress up like the Bubble Boy only to tell people you’re not in costume, you’re just scared of contracting Ebola. And if you need a little bit more of a throwback, be a Malaysian Airline plane and just vanish from the party halfway through the night.
We couldn’t possibly cover all the great costumes that are out there, but hopefully we put you in the right mindset to come up with the best costume you can and beat all your friends, because let’s be honest, that’s all it’s really about anymore. And one last tip: if all else fails, a #16 jersey for a costume and a football for a prop is always acceptable here, for obvious reasons.