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Carolina Head Coach Will Muschamp Doesn’t Understand the Word ‘Lose’


Following the tragic loss to Mississippi State on Saturday,  South Carolina Head Coach Will Muschamp called a press conference to discuss the team’s failings in their second game of the season and his plans for the team moving forward.


What became evident during the course of the press conference is that part of the team’s problems this season may stem from Coach Muschamp’s struggle with communication. What was first misunderstood as avoidance of any questions that could give the impression that the loss was a failure on behalf of the head coach was revealed to be a complete ignorance of the definition of the word, “lose.”


When asked what kind of impact losing the a game so early in the season could have on the Gamecocks’ mentality moving forward, Coach Muschamp grappled for a response for an uncomfortable length of time before responding, “Sorry, I didn’t get that, could you repeat the question?”


“I asked if you thought this loss could affect the team’s mental state moving forward in the season,” repeated the journalist.


“The what now?” replied Coach Muschamp.


“Loss!” the entire room shouted in return.


“Ross? No, I don’t really watch Friends. I don’t see what that has to do with football, unless you’re talking about the episode ‘The One With the Football’ which incidentally was the source of most of our second-quarter strategy,” replied Coach Muschamp by way of explanation.


Many of the reporters gathered at the conference took turns attempting to explain the meaning of the word to no avail. One journalist even went as far as to read the definition of the word verbatim from Webster’s Dictionary, however during the recitation Muschamp’s eyes appeared to glaze over as he very obviously disassociated, not returning fully conscious until the journalist had finished reading.


When asked how the Coach would define what happened at the game Saturday night, Muschamp had only this to say; “I did that thing they specifically hired me not to do…you know, like the opposite of a win? What’s the word? An un-win?”


After “un-win” became the accepted football vernacular, the press conference proceeded as normal with Muschamp clarifying his plans for the remainder of the season.

“Look, nobody likes to take an un-win. But you know like my dad always said, you win some, you un-win some. Let me tell you, I feel good about our chances and I don’t think we’ll be un-winning anymore games this season.”



Where have the gals been? Not at the bars, because it’s sorority rush time.

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