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President Pastides Officially Declares “Takesies Backsies” On Proposed Greek Reforms

During his State of the University address on Wednesday, USC President Harris Pastides announced “takesies backsies” on Greek reforms proposed during the summer. The initiative would have eliminated the pledge period in hopes of decreasing cases of hazing, alcohol and drug abuse, and made South Carolina the first non-pledging university.

 

A team of lawyers was assembled to examine the situation once the legality of the takesies backsies was called into question.

 

“After significant research, we have determined that the takesies backsies was completely legal. The only instance which this council would have determined the takesies backsies to be illegal were if President Pastides had stated, “I’m ending Greek pledging, no take backs!” As it is currently, there are no grounds for any objections to the takesies backsies,” said Columbia Attorney Jacob P. Lee.

 

“Some people called the plan ‘silly’, and ‘unrealistic’, and ‘honestly how do you even plan on enforcing that?’ Well here’s what to say to my critics— I don’t,” said the President, speaking from his podium.

 

After finishing his announcement, Dr. Pastides reportedly tapped Student Body President Michael Parks on the shoulder, screaming, “Tag, you’re it!” and quickly fled from the conference room.

 

 

Are you worried your college apartment will be nicer than your adult one? Well, you’re probably right.

 
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