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USC to Build FloodZone Waterpark Out of Frequent FloodAreas

 

Students at the University of South Carolina were startled this past Friday when they received a Carolina Alert that contained news of class cancellations due to flooding. Because of the frequency of this kind of natural disaster, the university plans to build a waterpark out of flash-flooding areas around campus. A representative from the Office of the President informed the USC student body of plans to construct said waterpark in coordination with the Office of Campus Recreation.

 

“Listen, the way we figure it is this; we’ve already got all this water, and the parking lot behind the Blatt P.E. Center is basically a swimming pool anyway, why not just use that preexisting infrastructure to build a really sick waterpark?” said Director of Campus Rec, Herbert C. Camp III.

 

The waterpark, known as the FloodZone, will consist of several different rides and activities available to USC students and faculty alike.

 

“Here’s what I’m thinking. We always get crazy flooding around the intersection of Whaley and Main right? Take that flooding, throw some floats in it—boom. Lazy River,” said Aquatics Coordinator Ashley Oswald.

 

The plan received overwhelming support from the office of Student Life, as they believed that construction of the FloodZone would keep students from engaging in activities involving alcohol.

 

“Every time we cancel class because of flooding, what is it you think these students do? They go out and drink!” said Jeffrey Brown, a representative from Student Affairs and Academics, “Well, if we had a waterpark, then the next time classes get cancelled, instead of going out and drinking our students could splash around the puddles under the pedestrian crossing on Pickens Street! I mean sure, they’d be mingling with the city drainage and garbage, but honestly how is that much different from a regular Friday night for these kids?”

 

Carolina’s FloodZone has been slated to open in Spring 2017, provided further flooding does not delay construction of the waterpark.

 

Wonder why freshmen suck? We have it figured out:

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