We know how you’re feeling. Angry. Embarrassed. Upset. Disappointed. Still a little hungover. Luckily, some death-obsessed psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross came up with a theory on the five stages of grief, and we can only imagine this theory was meant to be applied to college football.
Stage 1: Denial and Isolation
What game? Did we even play ECU? This step will be especially easy to get through if you were blacked out. Let’s all just pretend this never happened like we pretend we don’t know those weirdos that lived on our hall freshmen year. If you have friends from ECU, the isolation part is for you. They’ll never let you live this down so go ahead and cut those ties now. Princeton Review left them out of every single one of their rankings (we’re ranked in SIX categories), so you can leave them out of your life just as easily. The game didn’t happen. Your friendship didn’t happen. Let’s move on.
Stage 2: Anger
Once you realize that it’s actually impossible to pretend the game never happened, you’ll probably get mad. You might take your anger out on family, friends, walls, that random freshman in front of you in Turner, etc. God forbid you see one of the football players and decide to show them how a tackle is made. Just try to make it through this stage without getting arrested or winding up at a hospital in Christiansburg.
Stage 3: Bargaining
At this stage you’ll probably think things like, “I will walk across the Drillfield for four straight days of Homecoming campaigning if it means we didn’t really lose to ECU,” or “I promise I’ll never skip another one of my 8 a.m. classes if this was all just a bad dream.” You can bargain all you want, but the football gods aren’t listening. They’ve got their ears full with NFL scandals right now.
Stage 4: Depression
Once you realize that attending your 8 a.m. classes isn’t going to change the game, you’ll probably become too upset to attend them (and every other class). We hope you didn’t burn your couch in the Ohio State riots because you’re going to need to lay on that for the next few days with a box of tissues and a bottle of vodka.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Once your roommates are done making fun of you for crying like a little bitch, get up and move on. We lost to ECU and that really sucks, but we’ve got another game day coming up in a few short days and it’s time to start tailgating again. So start talking shit about Georgia Tech on Yik Yak, stock up on your favorite handles at the ABC store, and get over it.
If we lose again on Saturday, you can probably find us downtown starting over at Stage 1. If we win, you can probably find us downtown telling some Georgia Tech fans about stage 1.